Partner of 4yrs lying to me.

[YUDOTHIS]

Hiya everyone. I'm in shock right now. a few hours ago (around 11:15pm) DP got a text while I was looking over his shoulder at a video he was showing me, The name *jane came up. I asked who was texting him as he works with a jane and i assumed it was her but he said "oh just some ppi crap" I stopped watching the video and went for my bed time shower. I went back to bed and DP made a snide comment at me because one of my bed slats slipped off the frame (He said something like "for gods sake you break things so easily") and I had to sort it out. I snapped back at him but can't remember what I said as straight after I couldn't stop myself from saying "Jane is a REALLY funny name for a ppi company!" he had a go at me for looking through his phone and i explained that I had no need to as i'd seen it over his shoulder. he explained that jane is a woman he was seeing but ended things with 6months prior to meeting me (been together 4 and a bit years and have one dc together) and she had always tried to keep in contact with him for one reason or another. I know about this Jane but had no idea she tried to keep in contact with him. DP has now gone to sleep and i dunno what to do as i cant even shut my brain off :(

*Jane is a fake name, don't worry!

His first reaction was to lie to you ("some ppi crap"). Not good.

Oh love.

It doesn't sound good. Especially not as he went into attack mode at you, as though trying to make it your fault.

It sounds like he is at least encouraging Jane to keep in touch if nothing else. Why lie to you otherwise and why would you not already have been told?

What do you feel are your options? I could not be with someone who led to me about something like that, ever. But you have a little one so it must be very hard.

so sorry OP.

Honestly I think 'Jane' is obviously getting replies from him otherwise she wouldn't keep texting.

You've been with each other 4 years and have a child together. Why is he still in contact with her? And why is he lying about it???

They would be my questions to him the next time you see him.
Don't let him try and make you feel guilty for knowing or seeing.

Can you log onto his phone bill online and see how many times he's text her??

Maybe he just went in to defence mode.

There's a guy I was dating about 2 years ago. I still message him occasionally and vice versa. There'd been no spark between us romantically but we got on together very well. He has a girlfriend and I'm also seeing somebody. There's never been anything untoward in our messages. We work in a similar field so sometimes we'll discuss jobs that have come up etc.

Anyway, a few weeks ago I got a message off his girlfriend asking if there was anything going on etc. I explained no and that I would screen shot her the messages if she'd like. She said he'd always avoided discussing who I am if my name popped up which made her suspicious.

I guess maybe he thought she'd be unhappy if he said we'd previously linked. However, his way about it created much more suspicion.

So yeh, although there was nothing to worry about, his arsey way of dealing with it made it look worse than it was.

Don't tell me, 'Jane" has been having a really rough time lately.

Sorry, OP, his affair is likely to be ongoing.

YOUDOTHIS,
I'm afraid this doesn't bode well.
He is what is called "minimising" and it's what cheaters do. He's also starting to make snide remarks and put you down - another cheater ploy to take the focus off him and his behaviour.
I don't believe this ex-gf crap. After 4 years she should be a stranger to him.
Personally, I would appear to let this go and then start doing some investigating. Can you check his 'phone bill for a start?
I am sorry this is happening to you.