3 weeks NC & it's killing me! i still wish he was here...

[ohlamour]

So after weeks of v v stressful behaviour & basically him not having the guts to finish it, i did. I told him i was backing out of his life to give him space & left the ball in his court. I've not heard A THING! No call, no text NOTHING. It's killing me. I'm crying every day. Remembering all the happy times & wondering why i meant so little he literally let me walk out of his life without seemingly giving a shit about me.

we were together 18 months, first 12 were brilliant. Both of us had been married before but we didn't live together. As time went on he displayed the following behaviour:

• withdrawn - not wanting to talk
• falling ask ALL the time & getting annoyed with me when i got cross about it (he was always late)
• no sex or when we did it finished when he did i.e. No satisfaction for me!
• irrational temper outbursts or a reaction totally out of proportion to my 'crime' - like calling him on always falling asleep in my company
• i had stress pains in my yummy towards the end & was scared of how he would react.

Does NC work in helping you get over a relationship?? How long til i stop yearning for him? Any positive stories would be much appreciated. I'm NOT wanting him back, i just want to get over this!

I totally know how you feel, it is so hard dealing with this. I am so sorry you are going through this.
Don't contact him even though you really want to (I know it's so hard)
I don't know about hypnotherapy to help with self esteem, but my ex had it for his fear of flying and it really did work, so it may help.
Try and keep yourself busy, do some nice things for yourself.
I wish I could have no contact with my ex but I have to as we have two DC'S, I find it more difficult seeing him. So try and see it as a positive that you will be able to move on without him messing with your head.
Keep posting, I find it helps to vent it stops you venting to the wrong person (mainly your ex).

op sorry you're feeling so bad still - but it's early days still, plus you sound like you're getting your mojo back. Be loving but strict with yourself - even if no-one else guesses you are thinking about him 50% of the time, your poor heart is still being picked at. So don't permit too much time thinking about him...Unless it's maybe a luxurious cry in the evening with no-one watching. You could even end up enjoying the drama of it all!

You're doing all the right things, and you WILL get there. You sound lovely, btw, and clearly deserve much better treatment. Get yourself sorted, and be glad that you're now free to meet somebody who'll appreciate you .

Thanks for the lovely & supportive comments. I have been putting on a front & not telling people how much this is still affecting me... And yes, i have been crying when no-one is around!
we live in same small village & i just know I'm going to bump into him at some point. I just don't know how i will react & it's stressing me out. It's 4 weeks NC now... X

It depends what you're doing and/or who you're with when you meet him. You might feel tongue-tied and a bit sick afterwards......so be it. Just keep a polite smile on our face and you'll get over it - and you're doing very well so far as it is. Very well.

Is DD OK ?

PS - and if you run into him, you can always come back here and splurge your feelings. Remember that you're not alone in this.

It gets better - you are doing SO well. I too live in a village with my ex who i am NC with. I'm 3 months in now, and he is also on the school run. At first i did have a very physical reaction - heart pounding, felt sick and shaky. I simply do not acknowledge his presence, no drama, no flouncing, just as if he is invisible. It has got so much better over time and i am SO pleased i stuck with it. The idea of "going back" is now utterly alien to me, i have removed a poison from my life; so have you

Hi Cozie - thanks for posting again! My DD is fine, not given it a second thought really & I'm very careful not to display emotions in front of her & my DS. He keeps asking when we are seeing him, but I've managed to brush over it :-o!

Wallaby: thanks for showing me there is a light at the end of this horrible tunnel. I've been in tears all morning for no other reason than I miss the dream & can't bear that I was so taken in by him. You're
Right about the physical reactions: I feel sick when I drive past his house. I can't imagine how I'm going to react when I eventually see him...

I like the poison analogy - it is v true as he was poisoning all aspects of my life with his negativity & general bitterness with everything & everyone. I will keep telling myself this!

It's a bit like drug withdrawal; the pattern of excitement, relief, fun, sex.....then the familiar cold shoulder, disappointment, let down, lies, anxiety....then the relief when it swings back....no no no. It is just no way to live a life. I know really do see him as pathetic, a bit sad....and so pleased the spell has been broken. That is really what it feels like; he now has no power over me. No allure. Never again!!

I'd tell them something - if only to stop the questioning. You don't want them to be in a fix of not knowing where their lives are going and if you live in a small village, they might run into him as well. What precisely you say to relax them but not make them draw aside their skirts if they see him, I don't know. I'd be tempted simply to say something like 'We weren't suiting so we're not special friends any more' - but I'll leave recommendations to wiser heads I think.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, have no doubt. That first meeting will likely not be pleasant in the circumstances, I'm afraid, but it will pass - and you can come here and scream at us about it! Just remember to keep that face schooled and polite because then you'll feel better about the thing in the long term. (Better about yourself that is.)

Your brain will be seeing his 'public' face and casting back to the good times when you first got together with him. You just have to keep recalling what his 'private' face is really like - and as Wallaby said, in a time you'll be really pleased that the poison is gone from your life.

Even though it may not always feel like it, you're doing so well.