Fiance wants to break up. Confused, hurt and shocked

[Anonomom]

Been together for 3 years. Lived together for two of those and engaged for one. Wedding is booked for early next year. We've had a roller coaster relationship, lots of ups, lots of downs, some amazing holidays and experiences together, lots of laughs. I love him.
For the past month or so he's been a bit off with me, snapping, looking for arguments and just generally seeming distanced. Nothing major gas happened though between us so I just assumed he was stressed over something else. Yesterday we had a big argument over nothing which he instigated and had not spoken since. Tonight he came in, said he needed to talk to me and basically said our relationship was not working, he was not happy and we need to split. It was only yesterday we were discussing registering our intentions at the registry office. He says there is nobody else, he just wants to be by himself. He doesn't want to stay friends as we don't have anything in common apparently. So that's it. Wedding talks one day, I'm single the next. I'm so confused, how can he suddenly decide this?? He doesn't even seem bothered by it. It's his house so I'll have to move out. I've just started a new job (2 weeks ago) so this is going to be near on impossible. All the plans we had fit the future, just gone. I feel almost numb? Feel like I want to cry but can't?

It won't cost him ££££ to get you to move out. He just needs to give you reasonable notice.

There you have it, it's his ex wife. They always get mentionitis when they find a new fancy woman.

Think of this as a lucky escape. He's lied on more than one occasion, dating site early on in relationship, TV and computer. So what else is he lying about. Get away and remember YOU DESERVE BETTER. You are worth more than this. I have been there I know how much it hurts and how confused you feel. Get away and channel your energy into other things. You'll look back in time and realise this is a good thing even if it doesn't feel like it now.

AF is right.

As much as it hurts he has decided he doesn't want to go forward.

Please don't hang on and make things difficult. The fact is unless you have a mortgage agreement or a lodger arrangement he has the right to tell you to leave. This happened to a friend of mine. He broke up with his fiancé because he couldn't honestly say he loved her anymore and wanted to end it rather than lead her in. They lived in his house. She changed the locks when he went to work, needless to say the police got involved and it got very messy. It wasn't very dignified tbh. No children involved thank goodness.

Please leave with your head held high and a wiser person with a view to meeting someone who deserves you.

I know it's horrible to feel so disposable but AF is right and you need to go. As cruel as it sounds it is ok for anybody to leave a relationship if they don't wish for it to continue and you should leave his house with dignity.
I am sorry though for what must seem like a terrible loss.

Some things are not meant to be

I would get out of the relationship & house as soon as possible

He has made his choice, so his loss

Move onto bigger & better things

In a years time you may look back & your life could be 100% better !

Good luck

It must be an awful shock, but even if he told you in a few days that it was a wobble and he'd changed his mind, would you really want to carry on? It does sound as though he's been thinking about this for a while, and although it's not nice that he's gone along with wedding talk then sprung this on you, it's better that you know and you can start again. Leave as soon as you can, staying with a partner after splitting up is awful and very stressful, get yourself together and look forward to a brighter future. One day you'll be glad you were set free to pursue a better future and to find someone more deserving of you.

As his fiance you may well be entitled to a share of his house or a financial settlement. Don't move out. See a solicitor and get advice. You are not just a tenant if you were engaged - there was an intention to marry (my friend got stung by a bastard ex in this way, he had signed tenancy agreement paperwork to live in her house, then got engaged to her for a few weeks before dumping her. Her solicitor told her she needed to accept that she would have to pay him something but you need to get advice.)

erm ThisTimeIsMagic - that is complete nonsense - OP please ignore. Until you are legally married, you have no rights. fiancee is a meaningless concept at law.

So sorry OP. This happened to me last year. We got engaged in April, by July he'd left me for someone else. The heartbreak and humiliation was awful, and still is but a year on I am doing better.

Sending you strength and Un mumsnetty hugs x

Bumble I would have said the same sadly not friend was in Ireland though so maybe things were different.

Either way OP hang tight, take advice from a solicitor and take care of yourself.

Things in Ireland are different ThisTime. I know my cousin had to pay for her ex-boyfriends office rent for a period of time because he had been working from home in her house before they split up (in Ireland). The UK takes the line of whoevers name is on the house paperwork is the one that owns it and the other has no rights unless they are married.

I would meet up with a girlfriend, drink wine (or whatever your tipple) and have a big cry, try to stay at your friends if possible. Work out your finances, does he owe you anything? joint mortgage or contributions? and move on.

Have you friend looking to rent out a room? or look at property market for renting in your area.

A sudden break up is terrible, try to eat, sleep and get a bit of exercise to get your though this time.

Sorry but unless you are on the mortgage or have a charge on the property you don't have rights. The only thing you will do by seeing the solicitor is rack up legal bills.

Being engaged has no legal standing whatsoever which is why technically you cannot keep the engagement ring. It is given in contemplation of marriage if the contract is not fulfilled and there is no marriage there is no contract. Hopefully he won't ask for it back but it just gives an example of your standing.

Don't sit tight if he doesn't want to carry on. Find somewhere to go, move on to bigger and better things.

If you don't and it all goes sour he may change the locks and then you are stuck!

Ok sorry OP from what Bitter says things are different in Ireland so no help to you unless you are there.

FWIW I would not give back the engagement ring in your situation. When insuring my engagement ring I was told it was considered a gift and your property regardless. They were basically warning my DH of that. If your fiance is ending things I would absolutely see the ring as my property. If I was ending things I would feel unable to keep it.

I'm sorry too if I seem to be fixating on the financial side of things but it's important to be as practical as you can especially when you have only recently started a new job. Think about your options before you make any decisions

What happened at the end? After almost 3 years where are you in life?