Christmas headache......am I being unreasonable?

[elizmummy]

Hi everyone! This is my very first posting and I'm sorry, it's the age old, Christmas/inlaw problem. I'll try very hard to keep it simple!

I have two children aged 6&8 and met my wonderful partner 6 months ago. His parents, who incidentally are wonderful too, have invited my partner, myself and the children to spend Christmas with them (we are in Somerset & they are in Wilts.) I would like to spend at least one day at this end with my family, so have decided to spend Christmas day here (saves all the present hauling) and travel up to spend Boxing day with the inlaws.

Reasonable, you might agree but my partner says he feels guilty about leaving his parents alone on Christmas day, particularly as they have been kind enough to invite us all and are a bit disappointed we won't be joining them. So has decided he should stay with his parents.

I would like him to spend Christmas day with myself and the children and then all travel up together early on Boxing day to Wilts. I'm a bit miffed that his parents haven't suggested the same. They will after all, get to spend both days with him!

Am I being unreasonable...can somebody put me straight please?

Christmas is always tricky when you are pulled in two directions. Would it be feasible (which I don't think I can spell btw!) to have his parents down to you for christmas and you can all spend both days together at your end?

Mmm, nice thought, although we are a bit strapped for space here and the inlaws have just moved into their very luxurious new house, which is infinitely more suitable for a family Christmas!

I think you are right to spend christmas day at home.
And it would be nice if your new dp spent it with you.If his parents aren't too far away can he spend half the day with you and half with them?
(I'm in Somerset too!)

I'm confused too.

I think she means two days if he goes christmas day and boxing day.And his parents should of thought of that.

Maybe.

Partner's parents offered to have all of you over for Christmas, you have decided to stay at home, for good reasons obviously.

Nice to know that your partner is so considerate of his parents. Nice characteristic to have.

I can see why you'd like to have him there for xmas but he is a relatively new partner, and I think it's kind of appropriate for him to be with his parents and you to join them the next day.

I'm with snowloepard on this one. If this relationship develops into a long term one you will have many more Christmas' to spend together.

The fact that he cares and is considerate of his parents' feelings is great.

OK, well my first thought is that 6 months is very early in a relationship so I wouldn't worry too much, this stuff will all sort itself out in the end and if this is a serious relationship then you'll look back and say 'oh remember that?'

Is there any way your parents could invite him AND his parents? Otherwise I think in your position I'd potentially go to his parents and then spend boxing day with your parents because it sounds like his parents have accepted you and maybe this invitation is a bit of a big deal for them? Or could you spend the whole day at your house and invite both sets of parents? THat seems like a win win to me. Have only read yourOP though, maybe there are other complications.

Oh ok, yuou haven't got as much room, I see, having read rest of thread. If you spend every other year with your parents then I think you could go to his parents or be reasonable about going your separate ways for this Christmas but maybe do something different in subsequent years. But you could decline very gracefully with 'I'm sorry, I can't let my parents down because I've agreed to go but it's such a lovely invitation and I'd love to come another time' and then let him go and be gracious about it.
Or could you spend New Year with his parents instead?

Christmas is a very special day for all families (although goodness knows why seeing as it provokes so much angst!), so I can quite understand your dp wanting to be with his parents.

Your relationship is very new and, being brutally honest, you probably aren't his family yet - or at least not in the same way.

I would let him go to his parents - as others have said, I think it's a great characteristic for a bloke to have - and enjoy your time when you are together.

Who knows where you will be with him this time next year?

Relax and don't stress about it otherwise you'll create more of a problem. And let's face it, you don't want to piss off your potential ILs at such an early stage!

As it's a new relationship i would say it's not too big a deal to spend the day apart and you to join him on boxing day. In future agree with yours and his parents that you will alternate who you spend xmas day with each year. This is what we do and it works fine. Having to decide who you will spend the first xmas with is always hard as you do worry a bit about offending people but once it's done it make xmas so much easier as everyone always knows what the plan is. After DS was born i was worried about both set of grandparents wanting to spend his first xmas with him but as it was my mum said 'oh no he'll only be 6 months old he won't know what it's all about i want his second xmas when he's running around all excited' so i got to make my MIL all pleased cause she thought we'd picked them to have the first xmas with DS

Thanks very much for all your valuable feedback so far.

I think most are right in suggesting we should each be with our respective families on Christmas day and I'll travel up to Wilts on Boxing day.

Just to mention though, we are both in our forties and I do have an overwhelming sense of apron-strings still being firmly attached! Inlaws are very keen for myself and the children to relocate up there...I'm digging my heels in at this stage! There, I've just started a new thread!