really need advice

[maud876]

I am 66 and have been married to a verbally abusive man for 44 years. I have 7 children, 2 adopted. I know I should have got out earlier but I had very low self esteem (my parents were physically and verbally abusive, we travelled all around the world with his job so I never had a support network, things were ok sometimes, he made be believe his behaviour was caused by my deliberately provoking him so spent years trying to find the 'right' way to approach him, I could never stand up to him, I thought no one would believe me and knew if I did anything it would lead to a bitter battle that a charming and articulate man like him was sure to win.
He retired 2 years ago and things are so much worse. He has taken total control of the house. The only time he speaks to me is to call me vile abusive names. He says I am trying to control him. His job was his life and all his self esteem.
we have a 9 year old grandson with special needs living with us. He speaks to me in exactly the same way as my husband does, hits and kicks me. He is growing up to be his clone.
And to make things even more difficult I am ill, not at all mobile and unable to go out alone or drive. Basically I have spent most of the last 2 years in my bedroom to keep out of his way. We have seperate rooms. He says I am not a proper woman and have nothing to offer him.
If I leave this house I believe I will never get back in. My grandson would go nowhere with me willing and I am never left alone with him.
I don't have any money.
My other children know about the situation, they lived with it, but am not sure if they believe how bad it is.
I would like to get custody of my grandson and I know they would help and one son would probably move in with me but I don't believe they would be prepared to give evidence against
If I leave this

Gs had to go into respite care when I was ill and had to visit a doctor which meant overnight visits and before we moved here
we prepared for it carefully taking him accompanied for a short time and then leaving him a little longer each time. He really could not cope with it, maybe it brought back memories of being left as a baby, and the respite carers couldn't cope with him.
we tried another, a family with children which we thought might be better for him, he stayed there but was very unhappy and begged and pleaded not to be left again. I got the impression those respite carers weren't too happy to see the back of him either.
so fostering is totally out of the question.

Big family discussion online been going on. Gs can spent as much of the school holidays as he wants at dd's. Ds will see him frequently, rest of family will chip in to help. We will re evaluate in a month or so which gives us all time to think about it.
interestingly gs came out of his bedroom a short time ago and told me he wasn't going to live in this house any more and was moving to dds. I asked him why and he pointed at dh and said he was always angry.
I assured him that nothing was his fault, he was a very nice person and didn't do anything wrong and that we should all try very hard to be nicer to each.
dh said nothing but I saw the shock on his face and really think he will take more notice of what gs says than I do.
gs did not get this from me. I have never said anything about dh to him and never would. Nor have I ever said anything to dh in gs's hearing. In fact I haven't said anything to him about it for a very, very long time.
so feeling upbeat and confident that with ds's support we can resolve this.
thank you again everyone. It has been invaluable to talk through this.

Glad to hear GS's needs are being addressed, but please don't forget your own