I can't work out how I feel about this friendship

[bodenbiscuit]

I've had a male friend for about 10 years. During that time we've both been in and out of various relationships. He's a really close friend in that I speak to him on the phone probably more than anyone else and he gives me a lot of advice and he knows really private things about me that nobody else does. I don't see him in person a lot though because he lives in a different area.

I've always thought we're just friends although some years ago he tried to kiss me and then pulled away. For some reason he brought it up years later saying that he pulled away because he didn't want to ruin the friendship we have. He has sent me text messages that seem to suggest he has some other feelings for me but I tend to ignore them because I don't really know how to deal with it.

Then last weekend I went to stay at his house. I always feel comfortable with him but I could sense there was some kind of unspoken tension and before I went to bed he kissed me on the mouth. Since then I have been thinking about him more and wondering if I have feelings for him I haven't acknowledged.

I think that apart from my children he probably cares more about me than anyone else. I'm not really sure whether I need to figure out my feelings. Or whether I should mention it.

I suppose this sort of thing is common between men and women?

[MudCity]

You are right in that if you progress to a relationship with this man, it will affect any friendship you have if the relationship goes wrong.

However, this is someone who you say understands you more than anyone else and has clearly had feelings for you for several years. So, what is holding you back? How do you really feel about him?

Be honest with yourself. You are at a crossroads and you have to decide whether you want a relationship with this man. If you go for it, then yes, your friendship won't be the same as it is now. It is the risk you take. However, taking the risk could mean a really wonderful relationship.

To be honest, once you are both in other relationships your friendship will probably change anyway. So, don't hang onto this friendship as though it will be there, in its current form, forever. It isn't necessarily the case.

[Ladyconstance]

Sounds like your friendship has always been just a little bit more than that. Could be the basis of a wonderful relationship! It's striking that you say you've shared intimate information with him but aren't able to talk about intimate feelings or what you'd like to happen next. Sounds like its time to spill the beans, grasp the nettle and talk to him openly. Being coy means hurting either yourself or your friend and don't you both deserve honesty? As for worries about changing the friendship, guess what, it's already changing!