Hi mums, I really need advice. obviously relating to the title above. ill give you a brief history of my past. Basically I was sexually abused for all of my life until I was 13 years old. I went through a horrible court process when i was 19 that took three years to be complete due to complications with the jury etc.
I may sound as though this hasn't affected me but I've had over 12 years to deal and process what has happened to me. I've found myself become very private and found anything about sex to basically be about the other person's pleasure and not mine. Don't get me wrong, I love being intamite with my partner, we have been together for 10 years (childhood sweethearts). making him happy and seeing he is "happy" is one of the things that gives me happiness. we have also recently had a little boy, the highlight of my life. through all of this though, I still have never really enjoyed myself through our physical relationship. im constantly faking an orgasm because my body just doesn't seem to want to let go.
I had read that there are a lot of women that don't usually have an orgasm until they have had a child. (lots of googling to see if im normal) Im now starting to wonder if there is something psychological wrong with me or if im just not designed that way. Basically I just want some advice or some reassurance. I really don't know what to do and telling my partner is just not an option as its been 10 years :/ I once tried to tell him and he just felt so terrible (blaming himself) that I lied and said id made it up in an argument. I hope someone can give some advice, thank you for reading if you do x