no contact with family and they're happy on fb

[saltnpepa]

Last weekend there was a family get together with extended and immediate family. I am nc with a brother, and very low contact with mother since she was last abusive and I finally put my foot down, there is also a sister who was there who has taken sides for convenience mostly I think (she needs their money). Anyway so I have seen pictures now on fb because I am still in touch with a very distant relative and there they all are happy and smiling. I don't know if I will ever get over the awful things they have done to me and my kids and to see them all playing happy families is like salt in the wound. I can't imagine ever caring so little about my grandchildren as my mum obviously does about hers. Also some of my family I would like to see but feel like I have now been bullied out of these family gatherings by my brother always making sure he plays such a pivotal role. How does anyone get over being treated badly and seeing the other side come off unscathed?

Remember the lyric, "Behind a painted smile"? Facebook is full of this. Rather than raking over what they have done or haven't done, concentrate on being the best DM you can be with your DCs (and DW/DP if you have an OH).

Don't go looking... Fb isn't real life, and you're not interested in their brand of family. Look forwards, never back.

FB tells you nothing. Really.

I feel your pain op I have been nc with my mum for about 4 years and later all of her family, so my aunts uncles cousins etc (after she turned them all against me and they all de friended me on fb) I'm still in regular contact with one of my db's and much less so with my other db but no nastiness with my db's. About 3 months ago I got a fb friend request from dm which I ignored, then I started noticing her comments on the two cousins pages who had re friended me, so I reluctantly unfriended them to avoid seeing the comments. Then a couple of weeks ago my dsil posted a pic of my dn and tagged my db (my dm wouldn't have seen it otherwise as she is not friends with my dsil, dsil has seen thru dm and is not interested) DM made some hugely over the top slushy comment about dn which my dd saw and was quite hurt by it. The truth is of course she is about as interested in my dn as she was in my dc I.e. Not at all. It's all an act, all for show, and I do not want any part of it, it's sad that I've lost touch with other family members but if they choose to believe her that's their look out. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt, it does, but I wouldn't go back there if I was paid! As pps said fb isn't real life, take from it what you want, but don't worry about it. It gets easier with time, I promise . Apologies for long post

In a similar situation myself. Concentrate on how much happier you are (or if you're not yet, you will be) and make your own smiling photos. You are NC with these people to make yourself happier and not to make them sad. The single biggest thing I did was concentrate on that and not them. Good luck!

Totally agree. Happy fake smiles for a camera do not the bullshit in ones heart truly hide. They are not happy, nor free.

You are the one that swanned off xxx

im in a simlar boat op. my family is big. but i dont have contact with them a part from one sister. this is due to abuse that went on. i let everything go in the hope of having a relationship with my mum. but she does not want to know. i see photos of them together smiling. my mum has a relationship with my abuser. but does not have time of day for me. i feel more hurt by my mum than i do the abuser.

it does hurt to see them pics of them smiling. but i agree with the poster who said about smiling. deep down they are not happy only have to look at their lives to know that. although i wish they could be happy.

I know from my own Facebook that it's not the whole story.

Block those you are nc with so you can't see them and they can't see you.