Could you let this go?

[vanillachai]

Totally wrong of me - looked on my bfs phone yesterday.

I found a message to a girl telling her he was sleeping naked (no response from her) and then next day asking why she's always messaging him, was she thinking of something naughty (she said no)...

Spoke to him about it. He said he was feeling horny, wanted the attention. Nothing happened. He's very sorry, knows he's wrong. Wouldn't cheat on me, etc.

Apparently he slept with her once 2 years ago and nothing since.

I'm so unsure what to think. Do I take his word and see how things go, or is that enough to end it?

Within 6 months, he shouldn't even be thinking about other women. He may have been doing this from week one for all you know. I think you may be his make do for now until something better comes along and on that basis it has be be a DUMP before you get badly hurt. Don't waste any more emotion on this one. He isn't worth it and be very wary of getting involved with a man who cheated in his first marriage, whatever bullshit he spins you.

It would be a deal breaker for me.

Only because I learnt the hard way that if you ignore the red flags when they are flapping wildly in your face, it is more painful in the long run.

I will never again be with a man I can't trust 100% nor will I be giving any man the benefit of the doubt.

Six months in? Don't waste another second on him

Vivacia has it spot on.

No, I couldn't let this go. Instead I would let him go and would feel that I had most definitely dodged a bullet.

His behaviour is cheap, nasty and disrespectful. No thanks.

There's a vast difference between being alone and being lonely. Better to be alone with your self respect, than be lonely in an empty relationship with someone who treats you like this.

Say goodbye to him and hello to a better life.

You know what the secret is to finding one of those great, really honest guys who are out there?

You dump shit like this IMMEDIATELY.

You don't waste time 'trying' to believe them.
You don't waste time seeing if they've learned their lesson.
You don't waste time listening to obvious bullshit wishing and hoping that there's a reason for it and it's not just that he's a bastard.

You use your brain, you face the FACT that if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, etc. etc. And you DUMP.

'Sorry, it's not working for me'. Big smile. Bye.

No 'second chances'
No 'trying to change him'
No 'but he's been burned in the past'
No 'but he's flawed, but I love him'

You don't waste time on shitbags like this. Loves his honesty? Ha! Ooh he's good. Um. Bye.

DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME!

Honestly, get rid. This is actually a wonderful thing if you have had difficult relationships in the past, seeing he's a loser (which he is, and I'm incredibly tolerate) after 6 months and respecting yourself enough to get rid of him is amazing, it takes a lot of strength to do it. Ending this relationship will prove your strength not your foolishness

Worst bit is the girl is just that. Still a teenager. I actually feel quite disgusted by it all this morning.

If this had happened previously I'd have been a complete mess. I do feel I have become stronger and because of that I've been able to keep calm and think about it.

As much as I wanted this to work, he's got to go.

Good for you, he's a cheater.

If she'd replied he'd have not just been guilty of trying to cheat but in actually succeeding. He's not capable of putting a relationships needs above his own want of titilation.

Whether to finish with him due to what you found is almost irrelevant IMHO.

I think you should have finished with him at the point you felt the need to look at his phone in secret. Thats not the action you expect in a "normal", mutually respecting relationship. Therefore what drove you to look at his phone???

Well done, you deserve and will find better

He slept with her once 2 years ago and she is still a teenager. How old is he?!

I wouldn't be putting up with that behaviour, downright disrespectful. Time to show him the door OP.

vanillachai

This person needs to be dumped; if he is like this after only six months then it says an awful lot about him.

From the thread at the top of this page:-

"Be on your own. It is much easier than sticking by a tosser. If you have been in more than one abusive relationship, seek some counselling, you may be co-dependant, or you may be modelling relationships on a warped template, perhaps from childhood".

If you have had a lot of crappy relationships I would suggest you have counselling, you need to get all the crap stuff that you have learnt along the way unlearnt. What did you learn about relationships when growing up?.

When you're "horny" do you text an ex? Or is your mind on the person you're with?

You're making the right decision here. Don't put your love into the wrong person.

Looks like she thinks he's a creep, too.

One problem you will always face with men like this, OP, is that technology will allow them to cheat so easily. He is clearly taking advantage of this and thinks he won't be found out.

Dump him and move on. I'm sorry you're disappointed it didn't work out - you did your best but he's just not up to the mark.

you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear

dump

yes, you have to get rid. Be glad you have seen his true colours so early on as it would honestly only get worse

I did believe him to begin with. Now it's more I want to believe him. Otherwise it means I've been fooled again by another bastard man

Oh mate, it would be so much worse for your self esteem to sweep it under the rug and pretend to yourself that it's innocent.

Good call op, you are so much better off without him and it's good to see you taking some positives out of how you are dealing with it.