Cotton is divorced

[handfulofcottonbuds]

I thought I would cry.

I thought I would feel empty.

I thought I would feel broken.

I thought I would feel a failure.

I don't feel happy.

I don't feel sad.

I don't feel excited.

I don't feel numb.

I feel nothing - at the moment.

My initial thoughts were why the hell didn't I get some official red seal on my Absolute?! Just a photocopy of the judge's agreement to dissolve my marriage.

Thank you to every one of you who has supported me through the past 18 months. It was invaluable.

Thank you

I haven't cried in months, it has surprised me. I can't stop.

Let it out, honey - the need to keep on keeping on may have caused you to put a lot of emotions on the back burner and the arrival of that piece of paper was sufficient to light the front burners, so to speak.

Have a good sob and wallow tonight - maybe with a (but only one!) in the bath before bedtime?

All things must pass and your current feelings are not excepted.

The sun will be shining tomorrow and that fact alone will hopefully raise your spirits.

Thank you goddess

How are you feeling today Cotton? Beautiful weather today. X

welcome to the rest of your life

I predict good things for you

I feel it in my water

I was feeling much better today, then I realised that my job bores me to death, I have a grievance against my manager for bullying me and the house I fell in love with sold.

My fu*kwit exH (first time I've written that) congratulated me on the house sale and said it's great news! I told him to keep his good wishes for someone who cares. How crass can he be when I have to clear up the mess he left and do all the work?!

Please, please can I have some good luck?

Here are some good luck flowers for you cotton.

Thank you sticky

I hope you're right AF - my DS keeps telling me that it's our turn to have some luck

paddling - I truly wish you all the best feelings for when your Absolute comes through.

I'm not even sure it's the Absolute that has made me feel so rubbish although every now and again I feel like an old spinster at 41!

My job is so bad, through this, my mental health has suffered and although I have stayed at work and take pride in it, my boss has constantly reminded me that no sane person would touch me with a bargepole and has also physically poked me and shouted at me in front of other staff - I'm so ashamed and angry but don't know how much strength I have left.

I know I need a new job but it's too much for me to take on right now.

I know once I fine my home, I will feel better. I'm just so exhausted right now.

Cotton... I'm sorry for your tears but try to think of them as healing ones as you are no longer legally tied to the man who let you down so badly.

Take little steps into your future and make no big or irreversible decisions right now until you're absolutely ready and sure of them to make them happily, with no compunction.

Keep on posting, the hard bit is actually over now, you won't be in this space again and your future is waiting for you. As trite as that sounds (sorry!), things will start getting easier because they'll be entirely under your control and you get to decide exactly how things will be from this point on.

For you, , lovely, graceful Cotton. :)

the situation at work sounds fucking terrible

Can't believe I missed that about your job. Yes it sounds horrendous. Is there anything that can be done about it? Do you have a union who could step in for you? A supervisor at work?

I think, if you can't face tackling your boss right now, you could take a bit of time to document exactly what's been going on and perhaps getting some advice from ACAS/employment tribunal people? There's an employment board here and I know there are some knowledgeable posters on there. You need support, Cotton, somebody to stand up for you against your boss.

Constructive dismissal, if an option, would give you some breathing space because no job is worth your mental health suffering. I'm so sorry. :(

Are you a member of a union? If not, join Unite now - as in before midnight - and you'll be able acccess union reps and lawyers in relation to your work situation as soon as you become a full member, which I seem to recall takes around 4 weeks from date of joining.

The modest union subs could be the best money you've ever spent!

I'm not in a union because through this I haven't been able to afford the subs.

My boss told me when I was distraught that my exH had left me for OW that I was 'lucky' and she wished her H left her, she said I don't know how lucky I am! Since then it has been a battle and I am so ashamed to admit that I am being bullied as I am generally a very strong person. I vomit before I go to work and have been sick a lot! This only adds to her bullying and telling me that she can't guarantee I will have a job with my sickness levels.

She has sworn at me, poked me and told me I am mental in front of other staff - I cannot tell you how professional and respected I am - it's just her! She's told me I am not allowed to talk to anyone and my work is sub-standard, which I know isn't.

Many, many others have started a grievance against her and then dropped it for various reasons, why do I have to be the one to follow it through? I have enough going on!

I'm just exhausted.

I put in my formal grievance 3 months ago and it is taking it's time to even get to mediation which will probably be next week. I can't believe how long it's taken - I just want to give up.

For the past few weeks, she's been really nice to me. Calling me mental - I'm guessing she could lose her job and she's scared.

She's scared and she should be. I think if you were just to let her know that any more of this and you'll be taking it further... for now, you're just keeping records. If I were here, that would stop me in my tracks.

She will know full well that others will/would back up your complaints as they made them themselves. That puts you in a position of strength. Tell her not to speak to you about anything non-work related and to keep it professional... everything else is going to be documented.

You don't have to take it up or see it through but really, what do you have to lose by telling her to back off and let her see that you COULD if you wanted to?

The alternative is just more of this that you don't want and shouldn't have to put up with.

It's gone too far lying - when she started to be nice to me I tried to stop the grievance but senior management told me I had to follow it through. They've all acted differently to her since and I believe they think my complaint will bring her down.

I know she's scared - she's bullied me for almost 2 years - It's made me sick - but I don't want her to lose her job - stupid aren't I?!

Cotton, you've been so so very lovely and supportive to me. I am just behind you in terms of the actual divorce. You have been an absolute inspiration. I send you love, hugs and I hope you have a wonderful future. You really have been through the mill. I expect that you will experience a gamut of emotions over the next few weeks. However, a new chapter beckons. Happiness always my love

Thank you so much MrsC xx

You're not stupid, Cotton, she's scared and if she leaves you alone she doesn't have to lose her job. You don't have to be the one to bring her down, just make sure that she knows that you could. That will be enough for you at the moment perhaps?

Seriously, don't make me cry again

Nothing wrong with having a cry, Cotton, plenty of tissues and water to replenish and avoid the headaches. A couple of cucumber slices for your eyes when you're done is also good. Can you tell I've been there too? :)

I know you are so right lying and she now knows that. BUT senior management now won't let me stop the process. I get the feeling they want to get rid of her - rightly so after how she's treated so many - but I don't want to be responsible for it.

Feel like I'm involved with the Mafia