my mum

[sonicunderground]

Since I had kids 10 years ago, my mum has always provided 2 days childcare a week, when she worked and now she has retired. Ive always been careful to check with her, that its not too much. But both her and my dad insist its 'the highlight of their week'

My mum injured her back 3 years ago and was in constant pain with restricted mobility until she had an operation 6 months ago. She became really grumpy, shouty and aggressive over this time. She was pretty horrid and difficult to be around. We made allowances because of the pain. Childcare arrangement continued as my dad had retired by this point. Sometimes dd spent extra days in nursery so they didn't have to have her

Since the op she is pain free and there was an instant change in her mood. She seemed back to her old self.

Except now she has reverted to being argumentative/unpleasant/shouty. Shes just totally unreasonable. She argues with my 4 year old as if she is an adult. Today whilst I was at work, she stormed off home after dd refused to accept her 'help' with her drawing

My dads at a bit of a loss and thinks shes having some kind of breakdown. I think she's unhappy since my dad retired. I dont think she likes him. Most of her anger is directed at him, but it spills over onto us also. Shes impatient and always seems to be trying to get away from us all

Me and my dad have both tried talking to her. She just shouts about how its our fault. I phoned her gp at one point. It made her very angry.

I don't know what to do

I think you really need to talk to someone (age concern? maybe?) about the possibility of your mother having the early stages of dementia. Alzheimer's isnt the only form of it, I believe. She's gone from a loving, selfless kind woman to a witch. People rarely change that fast unless there have been personality traits that way for a long time, or something life-shakingly traumatic has happened. Pain can change people, but if she's had a track record of being loving until then, it sounds a bit unlikely to still be the cause now she's better.

if it is dementia then it may make it easier for you in that you will know it's not her fault. Also that you can plan effectively for the future.

Though yes, it really sounds like you need alternate childcare. Your father saying that she hates DD2 and wants to 'kill' her is kind of alarming.

Sorry I didn't reply sooner - MIL's illness was diagnosed about 4 years after the start of her strange behaviour. It became very obvious by then that there was problem. Its such a slow, insidious disease that in the very early stages you doubt yourself that there is a problem as some days she would be better than others.

It was the subtle change in personality, reasoning, the confabulation so, so, slow - shes still alive now in a CH 11 years later. it can be a very, very gradual disease

I also think a full assessment is needed. Alzheimer's isn't the only thing that could be happening here - there are different types of dementia (lewy body/vascular etc) and other things like small mini strokes can cause significant behavioural changes.