I have posted here twice two months ago. I am not sure if any of you remember me.
The guilt of having cheated on my boyfriend is killing me everyday. I know all of you guys have suggested me to leave because of his previous abusive behaviour. but I do want to work things out still. Maybe I am just plain stupid.
As he has told his family and a lot of his friends I have cheated on him, it makes it almost impossible for me to go back to his life. Almost everday, I have one of those nightmares where everyone in his life calls me a bitch and say nasty things. I couldn't sleep well. I can't deal with the fact that I have done such horrible thing.
I felt slightly better these few days.BUT when I found out his mum unfriended me on facebook, I felt so horrible again.
It is SO difficult for me to even try to go back into his life because I know everyone hates me. I hate myself for cheating too.
I don't want to lose him. But I know I can only stay with him for a short period of time cos there is no chance I can face his loved ones and feel proud of myself ever again. I can't even imagine talking to his friends and family again.
How can I be with him while feeling sorry for myself? I do still love him very much.
I thought I had questions..I just needed to rant and cry alone in my room and talk to all of you ladies who have experience in life.. :(