DH is not very social. If we have anyone round to our home he will look visibly bored/yawn/not have eye contact/not respond if anyone tries to have a conversation with him. He also takes things very literally and is not great at understanding irony if used for humorous purposes and quite often gets offended until you explain to him that the meaning was actually the opposite of what was said, and by the joke is lost.
I personally think he might have aspergers qualities, he certainly fits the description, but he has never been tested and it doesn't affect day to day life too much apart from...
I have a book club who I mainly communicate with remotely (online) and we do creative writing too. I have invited all members of the club (about 8 of us) round to my house for dinner this weekend to have a "live" meeting discussing a book we've read and some of the creative writing we've sent to each other.
DH, not being sociable and not really understanding why I even have this book club, will probably want to hang around and eat with us, as he won't want to leave the house. I am fine with all of this, if I knew that's exactly what he'd do, but his anti-social attitude just creates such an atmosphere that I am nervous of him hanging around because i really want it to go well and I want everyone to feel heard.
DH does things like:
In the middle of the conversation at dinner goes to the family computer in the same room and starts playing computer games.
Sits on his phone in the middle of the dinner table and texts furiously with people while conversation is going on around him.
Gets very upset if the food is not served very quickly and eaten in a timely manner. Or if the food needs to be eaten a certain way he becomes very insistent that people eat it that way - ie pour the sauce first, then the meat. Or salad as a starter and THEN pasta. He is very preoccupied with the functional side of eating and not the sociable side and likes to clear the plates away quickly, enlisting everyone with jobs - you stack, you bring knifes and forks, you clear the glasses, you wipe the table.
I just want this to be a relaxed dinner, where people will feel comfortable to talk about what they're writing in front of others they have only met once before - but I know it will not and things will not flow when DH is there. I have tried telling him this but it either causes great offence or he starts saying that I don't want him there.
Can anybody help me with a way to communicate with him without making it into a big thing?