Possible relationship - scared!

[jani64]

Hi, I am really hoping for some useful advice.

Last summer I finally left my marriage of over 26 years - things had not been going well for some time. It has been a really difficult 10 months but I do feel happier and more in control of my life. My career has been going well since the split. This is partly because I initially concentrated on work to distract myself from everything else but in the past few months I think my work is more productive because I feel more relaxed. Also, I hope to be able to move out of rented accommodation into a v small house of my own fairly soon.

The long term "plan" was that I would get a house + cat and would then try online dating once I was properly settled.

The issue is that in the last few weeks I have started to get close to a colleague. He is in a similar situation to me - separated - temporary accommodation. I really like him and enjoy chatting to him and can see where things could be heading BUT whenever we start to get to a certain closeness emotionally I can feel myself pushing him away. To be frank, I am scared that if we have a relationship and things go wrong then I will be as fragile as I was last summer and won't have work as a refuge.

He has gone away for work for a few days which gives me some thinking space.

Advice appreciated!

I think you know already Jani.

If things go wrong.

Abbey

XXX

To me it sounds like your instincts are right - protect yourself - steer clear of a romantic relationship with this work colleague.

I think that you should give your self time to get your life back. You were married for such a long time.

If it goes pear shaped with a colleague, it will make things difficult at work.

Give yourself a month of recovery for every year you were in the relationship. Honestly, it takes ages to get over the end of a LTR. I was married for eighteen years, and with XH for over twenty. It took a good two and a half years before I felt anywhere ready to look for someone else

Do you feel properly settled yet??
Do you think you are pushing him away because on some deeper level you know you are not ready for any sort of relationship yet??
I know I am almost certainly talking rubbish, but if those 2 questions ring any sort of bells, IMO you are not ready & you need to carry on with your original plan.

Thank you all for your thoughts. I think you are probably all saying what I know myself - I am not really ready for a relationship yet and the consequences if it goes wrong are too difficult.

Just not sure how to deal with him when he is back .... and he is such a nice man.

Tell him how you feel; he may be feeling the same and there's no reason why you can't be friends, is there?