Do you have a big group of friends that you socialise with...?

[CosmeticJunkie]

... I'm talking about friends who all know each other? A Sex and The City group of girlfriends type thing. The 'urban family' that Helen Fielding wrote about in Bridget Jones and that you see in films like Notting Hill etc. etc.
I'm curious because I don't. I have a fair few friends, not loads, but a few girlfriends, but none of them really know each other.
Today I had coffee with one friend/acquaintance and 3 of her girlfriends showed up (fine) and we had a nice chat, but it was obvious that they have been pals for a few years, socialise with husbands, have been on holidays or weekends together, children are friends and on and on and on! Although I enjoyed the company I very much felt like a spare part
It made me feel terrible and was made worse later in the day by another couple of my friends who seem to be really pal-y and leaving me out of stuff, but that's a whole other story!

So what's the general trend? Are you part of a big urban family, or do you just have friends who aren't really connected?

I have some friends who are couples that all know eachother (some close friends and some who have all just been to the same BBQs). Some who I just really know the mums and kids like at Mother and toddler groups and we sometimes all get together at other times (I have met most of the men folk now but we mainly socialise with the kids). Other friends I have don't know any of these people.

hi cj - i have a mixture of both - i have friends through work, friends with kids, friends without kids, and friends ive met through having kids! sometimes i do feel like the spare part, but with those childless/single people and their friends! however, they would be really upset if they thought that they had made me feel like a spare part
i think because i am a single parent, and i meet new people all the time through work, i do find it easy(ish) to talk to new people, and i dont like being left out either!!
does this help?

i wish i did i love s&tc! instead i have sisters

Hi Cj, I have a mixture of both too- have friends pre-baby who i go out drinking champagne with and being all sex and the city and we all know each other but also have post baby friends who some know each ther and some dont. TBH it's nice to have friends that aren't inter-connected IYKWIM!

Hiya CJ. I used to do the whole gal pal posse thang but I heartlessly lost interest a bit when I met my DH and now I've got kids I see them maybe once a month. Fun as it was it was deffo a 20something phase for me and even tho lots of them are now having kids I actually prefer my newer 'mummy' gang because I met them when I felt more grown-up! Or maybe I'm just shallow and get bored of people after a while... I can't be arsed with folks that make me feel left out and always make my excuses quick sharp and bugger off OR go into annoying crazy extrovert overdrive to dominate the conversation and freak them out.

I have a few small groups of friends, and loads of one-off friends that don't really know each other. So, rather like you CosmeticJunkie. Is life really like Friends, SATC etc? I think not for most people - real life is too complicated - friends move away, make new friends etc etc. I'm sure there's nothing lacking on your part (or mine!), it's just real life. Also, I think that big 'urban family' type thing can hold you back, stop you from meeting new (and more interesting!) people - we all change, and we need different sorts of people around us at different stages in life. I think if you have one or two friends who last the distance, plus a load of varying friends along the way, you are doing pretty well.

I haven't got any friends

Thanks for the responses! I'm like a lot of you and have lots of friends from many different times in my life and from many different walks of life. Some I've known for a couple of decades and some just for a few months. I don't want to seem like I'm not grateful for these brilliant friendships that I have, I value them a great deal. But there has always been this niggling question "am I the only one not part of a group?". I mean, none of my friends know each other. As you say Kama, it's something that just happens I suppose, can you really make all your friends be one big happy family?
If I'm honest, it's something a question that's lingered with me for most of my life!

Nope, I ahve a few old ojes and a few hobby ones but need more badly. Seem to have lost my Uni mates over the summer- not quite sure how that happened but they've morphed into strangers.

So must find me some more.

I'm friends with a couple of girls from my school days, but no uni mates from about 11 years ago remain.
Did you just finish a Uni course this year Peachy?
I can't believe that in my OP, I failed to refer to the most well-known urban families of them all, 'Friends'! It goes without saying that that little group is top of the list of friends who all know each other.

i have 'friends' who i chat to when i see them and can talk to about stuff but i dont socialise.i used to have 2 close friends and we were always round each others houses for coffee and the kids would play together etc but we were all single mums at the time and drifted apart when one of the group moved in with her dp,then i had another baby and tbh i cant be arsed socialising anymore with 4 kids.

I have 3 girlfriends who I have known since we were children. I can talk about anything to them although we don't socialise as couples with our partners.

I have 3 close friends from university who I see as a group of girls and also socialise with our partners, meals out, bbqs etc although it is more about us as a group of girlfriends than anything else.

I also have a friend from work who I see lots with and without our other halves.

My other friends are more casual relationships and don't see with dps.

My dp has close friends from school who I have also known for 10 or so years, ie predating our relationship, and we often all go out together with partners etc. I feel much more part of a friendship family when with this group than with others.

Most of my friends aren't really connected at all!

There are my "mummy" friends who I met through LOs friends - they know each other.

Then there are my school friends who all know each other so we socialise in groups as well as individually.

I've also got people who I went to Uni with - some who know each other, & some who would recognise each other but weren't friends really. Due to their locations we don't tend to meet in a group anyway.

Then there are work people but I don't really socialise with them!

I'm quite happy to meet friends of friends if I feel included. A month ago I went to visit a uni friend & went out with a HUGE group of his mates, but he made an effort to include me & they were all lovely despite the fact I'd only met a few of them once!

I think it's unlikely the groups would merge unless it was to celebrate a significant event (or unless we all move to within an hour of each other!)