Feel Unappreciated and selfish for wanting time off!!!

[bonkerz]

Feel like im banging my head against a brick wall to be honest so need some objective views and advice me thinks.....where better to come than the font of all knowledge that is MUMSNET!!!!!

So.....the story goes like this......

Have a weekend planned to visit my sister with a friend in December, just one night but 2 days. Had arranged to take DS and DD as thought DH was working but has come to light that Dh got long weekend and has arranged to have DSD (dont have her first weekend of month normally). When Dh mentioned this i said that he could have all 3 kids then and i could have a break!
This didnt go down very well and he has been grumpy since i mentioned it, he says he cant cope with all three which obviously makes me cross because i regularly have all 3 kids by myself when he is working weekends! I then offered to take DD (11months) if he kept DS (6) and DSD (5), he agreed to this.
The more i thought about it thought the more i wanted a break so i decided last night to ask his mother to have DD for the weekend. She has agreed but he has now got really moody saying i have made him look bad when it was HIM who said he wouldnt cope and also he has said i am selfish for wanting a break from the kids!
I work from home as a childminder so am with DD 24/7 and do everything for DS and feel that i REALLY need a weekend to myself, the last time i had no kids for a weekend was 4 years ago when i got married.
Am i selfish for wanting some time alone?
How would you handle this? I really dont think DH realises how tired i am even though i have told him. Why cant he see that if he cant cope with 3 on his own then why cant i feel tired form having 3 all the time!!!

Hope this makes sense.

Bonkerz you are totally in the right, don't let your DH make you feel bad.

He told you he can't cope with all 3 so you found someone else to have the little one. Their is nothing wrong with that. If he has a problem with looking stupid then he needs to learn how to cope with his own 3 children then he won't feel stupid again.

Also regardless of whether you have 3 or 30 kids you need some time away and you have waited long enough for it, he gets to have time away so why shouldn't you.

Have a bloody fantastic weekend xxxx

bonkerz I would just stick to your plans and go
it is not an unreasonable request to have some me time once in awhile

btw have you got room in your case
for me to come along too

he thinks he looks stupid??? i htink he IS stupid - fancy not being able to look after your own children on your own!!

Men!!

i'm also a childminder and my dp will regularly take our dd's out at the weekends so i can catch up with house work, meet new potential clients or just chill after a hard week. yes we both work hard but he gets a break from his job when he comes home, i don't get that - yes it is my choice to do this job but it benefits his children too.

After 4 yrs id be having more than 1 night away as well!!! Thats if someone hadn't locked me away for going stir crazy

oh meant to add - it benefits his children because a happy mum = happy children and what parent doesnt want their children to be happy and live in a happy environment - if you never get a break how can you be relaxed?

He is being selfish. i wouldnt have even asked his mum to help i would have just said i need a break im going. (this would be after i'd asked as dp and i always check plans with each other to see if theres objections and if there are good reasons for them and if not we might arrange a compromise - sounds like you have tried to do that but he is being pig headed)

You are soooo NOT selfish for wanting a break bonkerz - sounds thoroughly deserved to me. Don't cave in to him or indulge his mood. My DH can be a bit like this - thinks going to the office is so much harder than being with 2 kids day in day out. I finally got him to look after our 2 DDs for the first time since the arrival of DD2 (7 months ago) last Saturday. Had a great time shopping / lunching with my best mate and DH took the DDs to his mum's for moral support - of course!! Still - he actually enjoyed the bit of the day when he did cope on his own and is now much more up for me going out on my own. Your DH will do fine and you'll come back from your weekend rested and relaxed and he'll appreciate you more - I hope!

thank you everyonw for the replies and you have all confirmed my suspicions!
I am lucky as Dh doesnt moan when i do go out, i go out clubbing once a month approximately and he never moans BUT he makes it clear im not to get too drunk as i have the kids to look after!!!! I am a control freak too so sort of understand him feeling abit worried about being left with DD (11months) BUT he should know how to care for her even though i do it all the time! Part of me thinks he is just a lazy sod and knows that if im around i will do everything (partly my fault!) I know he is more than capable but i think he just sees that he wont get a rest or anything that weekend! DUH welcome to my world!!!!!

I am going to disappear that weekend with my friend and have a long deserved break i think! Im sure the kids will be fine and i will be chomping at the bit to see them when i get home!!!

why on earth would a father of a child not know how to look after it? There isn't a women parent/men don't gene you know! Or is it because he wouldn't do it 'your way'? Make him look after her then he'll learn.....
And don't feel guilty, you are both paretns to hese children, why on earth should you have to take on more reposnisibility for looking after (or has you dh got some terrible physical disability that you dodn't mention?)

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. As long as the children are happy with the arrangements I don't see what the problem is. IME some men are totally oblivious to what their partners do for their families and how exhausting it is.

"I really dont think DH realises how tired i am even though i have told him. Why cant he see that if he cant cope with 3 on his own then why cant i feel tired form having 3 all the time!!! "

I could have written those words exactly. In fact I said them more or less to DH on Saturday evening....he managed to turn it round and make it my fault for doing everything and not waiting for others to do it for me (like the washing up should wait for 3 weeks to be done!!). He was lazy before the kids came along and is the same now...only difference is that he makes the kids do things instead of doing them himself.