I am so cross. not upset this time fucking cross.

[IreallyKNOWiamright]

so yesterday, my husband opens up about an issue regarding a female college - she is causing problems for him regarding an meeting she wasn't invited too, he told her to do one for picking on him and he agrees with me saying she is 'one of those'.
Yesterday evening, he comes home, says he has worked things out with her and starts accusing me of being a bitch about her on the phone where he was the one moaning about her, and suddenly 4 hours later he is defending her.

This is a women, that two years ago, I saw him flirting with when we were supposingly on a date night. He ran over to her whispered in her ear about something then came back to our table. He then spoke with her during the interval and ignored me and didn't introduce us.
So, when I start asking about her what is her name etc, tonight, and pointing out how can he apologise to her but not apologise to his wife for the shit he has put me through for two years, he starts going defensive, I say why are you being like this. Only dogs smell there own shit if they have something to hide.
What I am cross about this time, is the fact that he has apologised to her for being rude to her when we have had problems for two fucking years, he has got angry at me constantly over issues and refuses counselling and never said sorry about his behaviour, towards me but no no he can say sorry to this fucking tart after one hoo hah at a meeting.
I suggest something is possibly going on because he hasn't spoken with me since dinner tonight. However, he keeps denying that nothing has 'happened'.Yet tells me they have a meeting on their own once a week in a conference room and a phone call every fortnight.
I am awake at two am- can't sleep - so many things going on in my head which could be nothing but could be something.

He's all puppy eyed over some work colleagues, whispering in front of you and not introducing you - that alone is enough to end it, then there's the forgetting to say he is married - honestly OP, go see what you can do about living without him, I think you are just going to get dumped as soon as someone better comes along for him.

Agree with the others. It's not going to get better and the more you push the more he will dig his heels in. Make the decision yourself and call it a day. In a year's time you'll feel loads better and wonder why you hesitated.

Not read responses - but he wants something to happen even if it didn't.

Care about what some STRANGER think over your WIFE - he has a crush on her at the very least, and really needs beinging down to earth.

I stick through THICK AND THIN with my partner, and expect nothing less.

The other day his workmate said my husband is punching above his weight, I said:
'Does that mean you find me attractive?? Does your wife know that!?- oh she's just over there - hello Jayne!'
Stopped him in his tracks and never been mentioned again.

Your husband need to be more protective/appreciative of you.

If the house is yours / mortgaged take legal advice before you move yourself and DD out. Don't relinquish control of such an essential asset unless you're prepared for the consequences.

You do not need his permission to end your relationship. Get your ducks in a row (see a solicitor, consider your finances, check what benefits you will be entitled to as a single mother etc.) then TELL him it's over if that's what you want. Taking control will feel better than drifting around in circles torturing yourself and watching time you'll never get back slip past.

Good luck!

Yy, don't go anywhere without advice.
Whether or not he's shagging her (sorry, I know that's blunt), the fact is he's putting her feelings before yours. YOU ARE HIS WIFE. Sorry to shout, but that should trump pretty much everything. You've got a great big red flag waving. But I think you know that.
So something about this, now. The only alternative is to carry on feeling miserable.

thanks for your replies had a really busy day.
Yes the fact he put HER feelings over mine and said sorry to her when he hasn't said sorry for treating me in a bad way really was like a knife in the heart.
He keeps denying nothing went on with her, and can't see it from my point of view.
Funnily enough, he has to go in 'early' on monday morning -7.30 he says, he absolutely HATES mornings and often sleeps in until 10am at the weekends. This has really opened my eyes. I know he has a lot of work to do but this is unusual behaviour to go in early morning.

Particularly helpful poet, paddy. Well done.

Post, even.

Paddy, you're a knob. Run along.

Op, your h sounds like a nasty piece of work.

You must protect yourself. He is not your friend. He is being a shit partner. You have to assume he's stitching you up now.

Don't tell him you're getting yourself in order. Sort out all finances and then tell him to go.

You will be heartbroken but you will be safe.

luckily enough I have been too busy to read paddy whats their names post so thanks mumsnet for deleting it so I didn't have to read it.
Yes I have found the details of solicitor who did our wills. so will phone next week about unreasonable behaviour.
today we went out for the day he has been distant, despite me trying to engage and be nice despite all of this. And spoke to me like a child in front of quite a lot of people at lunch time. I wasn't having it this time and answered him back.
I have had enough of not feeling loved and rejected. There will be eventually someone who will be proud to have me on there arm because he seems not too.