Relasionship falling apart with DD

[Thedeciding1]

I think is time for her to move out before we end up killing each other.

She is twenty and I had her really young (15) so we bother kind of grew up together. We had a lot of help of family and a bit of an over bearing mother who treated us both like her children. And still does sometimes.

I made a few mistakes growing up but I got a career and made a good life for us. I have now two small toddlers to my DH. Dd1 loves them and they love her.

I don't feel like dd1 respects me as a mother. We argue like sisters over things she should be doing round the house. She pays hardly anything in rent although she has a good wage. She leaves her dirty plates and clothes out side her bed room for me to pick up, which ive stopped and her room was filthy.

I run about after her and get no thanks yet I fell like she is always looking down her nose at me.

I just tried to speak to her about somthing and she stropped out telling me I was hard to live with and always looking for a fight.

If I try and talk to her in a pleasent tone I'm patronising, if I talk in a firmer tone I'm looking for a fight.

She has also starting joining in when me and DH are having a bit of banter like 'oh here she goes again, God why do you have to start arguing all the time?" Which make me respond with "I'm not" which is ridiculous as I'm having to explain I'm having banter with my DH. (Who thought it was funny)

ive just just told her it's time for her to move out and I feel really shit about it. I don't want to fall out with her but I can't stand this anymore.

Any suggestions??

Just wanted to say that after I moved out of my parents' place (at 19) our relationship improved dramatically. Living in a flat on top of each other did us no good. Oh, and I was the laziest teenager ever (enabled by my mum). When I moved out not only had I never made my bed etc, I had never even made a cup of tea. My mum cried for months apparently bc she thought I would starve. As it happened I started cooking for myself and taking good care of my own place immediately. I just needed a push.

She needs to grow up and you need to take care of your relationship and your little ones. I'm sure they don't like being around you two fighting all the time.

Thabks for the replies.

I do enable her. In many aspects I still let her get away with behaving like a 15 year old, messy bed room, rotting plates of food I pick up, phoning work ptetending in her if she is ill as she can't face it, constant lifts especially last min ones where there is no transport and she has left her self stranded. She has no boundaries with other people's property or food.

She is staying at her friends for a couple of days, she text me from work so I'll have a chat with her when she gets back. She didn't even reply to my last text which was a bit of an olive branch. I know I'm starting to over react when she does somthing so it does look like I'm snapping on her all the time but she won't acknowledge its her behaviour, words, attitudes that get me to snap back

For eg. The other night we were watching a film and her friend rang and she started laughing and talking loudly while we were trying to watch the film. So I said 'Dd were trying to watch a film' (in a natural voice) and she jumps up says "FGS!! I can't even speak any more!" And storms out. I'm sick of it. She is a grown woman.

She has just posted a pick on facebook and it looks like she is having a ball in a bar/restaurant.

When she gets back I'm going to talk about her finding herself a new place and we will help out finacally to get her started

Thanks for the responses

And whilst she is still at home, stop enabling her.

You're sending mixed messages and that isn't fair.