Do you invite your ex husband to your child's parties?

[Thatslife72]

I could be in the wrong here, so I'm just asking you netmums, as I'll know you'll be honest.

In the early days of our separation 6 years ago of course my children's dad (ex husband) came to both my kids parties. I have met someone else and his children are the same age as mine so they are good friends and go to each other's parties. One year we had a bowling party for my son, my dp came along as well as his children, their dad came too it was really awkward and cringy but it was only a hour or so and we were all home again. Last year on my dd birthday it fell on his weekend to have them, she wanted her dad to sort a party to the cinema for her and I wasn't invited which was fine I did something with her when I had her back. This year her birthday falls on his weekend again but she wanted a BBQ here so my dp's kids could come so I said no problem you do something nice with your dad and we'll have a BBQ the weekend after, so she's invited a couple of friends this weekend we'll have a BBQ just me my dp his children (my son) and a few of her friends at my house.

Ex husband dropped them off Sunday and in front of them said what's happening Saturday what time shall I come? I was a bit gobsmacked tbh I didn't know what to say in front of the kids. He said he'll turn up at some point to see how going. I feel really uncomfortable, I know it's not about me and my dp but it's in my home I don't hate him but I don't want to stand and talk to him while it's just me and dp there. My dd is 12 she's not going to be hanging around him like she did at 4 she's going to be mingling with her friends.

What do people think about this, should he be coming to his dd party no matter what, or is he being a tad controlling and imposing a bit. I will just say myself and dp are buying a house together and moving in all together later on in the summer so ex husband maybe feeling a bit pushed out. I'm just annoyed he's invited himself?!!

Good for you op.
It isn't you that's made it awkward it's him.
Enjoy the party.

I'm her dad I've a right to be there

No he bloody well doesn't. He doesn't have a right to be in your home at all. It's not a public event. It's not related to DD's education or health. It's not impacting negatively on the children or their relationship with their father. It is, not to put too fine a point upon it, none of his damn' business. Sure, his daughter is there. She's in a lot of places he isn't allowed, such as women's changing rooms. How impressed would the school be if he insisted on sitting in the classroom during lessons because he had a child there? For that matter, how impressed would ex be if you insisted on coming round and sitting in his lounge when your children were there just because, well, it's your children innit? Not very, I'm guessing.

Anyway, sounds like you made the point politely but clearly, so let's hope that's an end of the matter.

Well done, OP.

Thank u, I feel much better now!

Good on you Thatslife. Your ex sounds a lot like my friend's ex. Zero awareness of boundaries and sees everything from his point of view. Claims to put children first but seems incapable of doing so. Not evil or scheming but just utterly clueless. (And he still wonders why they split up...)

You sound like you are doing him a favour inviting him to school plays, sports, etc.
Maybe stop feeling superior to him just because you are moving on and he hasn't.
It's his DD party, other than awkwardness, if he's a good father: you need to put your differences aside.

No not superior arsenaltilidie just considerate! And we do put our differences aside but on this occaision he's not invited end of!!!

Saythisonlyonce that's exactly how he is yes, not a bad person particularly. When we were married he had no idea of boundaries either I had spell things out to him and even then he didn't listen, but he is generally a good dad if not a part time one, he wants to come to all the fun things but when it comes to picking one of them up from somewhere or parents evening or staying over in hospital because their ill u never here nothing but as he said to our councillor years ago, that's a man thing isn't it lol! It doesn't have to be!

'That's a man thing'.... er no that's a useless unreliable tosser thing.

I find it staggering how many useless tossers there are in the world. And shit like 'that's a man thing LOL' excuses it. Some of my friends think I am 'lucky' that my DH does things like cooking, cleaning and using his brain outside work. I tell them its a basic requirement of being married to me.

Let him come. Give him the tidying up to do.

Ask your children if they want him there. They may be upset if he is not there and resent you. Our feelings sometimes have to be put aside for the greater good.

I have a good relationship with my children, they don't resent me cos they know how much I do for them and their dad is included in many things, I've also driven them miles with banners to support him with charity runs etc. However on this occasion it wasn't appropriate, in fact I hardly saw my daughter on the day. Me and ex have cleared the air and it's all done now, kids are happy!