so depressed

[jesy]

I'm depressed , I know it .
I have a lovely bf but I can see cracks appearing now and I don't know what to do , we went to cider festival yesterday but I didn't e joy it .
I think the age gap is starting to show, the other girls all did the face painting , me I was worried my skin would react.
In the end I asked if we could go home.

Every day is the same for me , the same tv the same walk with dog.
I won't speak to a y one till tea time and by the. Ill probably be drink , I'm drinking to much to pass the day away .
I'm applying for jobs but nothing each rejection hurts , I thought I'd got agency work but now they say .ca t help me I keep thinking study more but to down to bother.

No where is with in walking distance so groups are pretty much out of questions.
And to top it all , my two oldest friends are in town today , going out for lunch ,I tried hinting that I could go , it would have been a push money wise but nothing from them, I saw messages on fb on the plans now feel even more isolated.

I don't know how much more I can take, I missed three pills and did wonder if this has made me hormonal.

My bf has asked me to go to the mates meal today with him but I'm not sure , right now.
I'm sorry it's a pity me post but feel alone

You sound very down, sorry your feeling so bad. have you ever been to the GP about how you feel? It sounds like the way you feel is casting a shadow over everything, and stopping you from enjoying things, which sounds like depression. Even if it's hormones from the pill making you feel so bad, I think you definately need to see your GP, make an appointment!

does your boyfriend know how you feel? what do you mean by crack, are there issues in the relationship or do you feel like your depression is having a negative impact on the relationship?

as for your friends, people can just be lame and thoughtless sonetimes, and if your down it can feel 1000 times worse. why not see if you can make some plans with friends, go out for a coffee etc. your friends might be oblivious to how your feeling, and you need to fight the urge to withdraw and bottle everything up

My gp was no use Tbh basically said get over it, offered pills but I didn't want that .
My bf great he sort of understanding about it , I don't go to the social stuff with him n his mates any more well not so much and that must embarrass him but I can't always face it.

As for going out with mates , coffee out as I'm broke I get fifty quid a week in benefits that go no where I'd got a voucher for the pub they went to so my meal would have been free.
They don't include me a d when they do they moan about being old , I just think shut up you got jobs own homes are married.

The cracks in relationships is my fault I don't want to do anything any more , it not helped last month I've been ill lots and look at the others and feel old silly stuff bags under eyes , poor skin but I don't think he understand that.

What are the three pills you've missed for?

There are numerous websites with tips for using ingredients that most households have in the fridge/store cupboard to revitatlise skin and ice cold used teabags or slices of cucumber are good for reducing bags under eyes - but a genuine smile costs nothing and takes years off your face.

If you didn't find your gp much use, either make an appointment to see another doctor in the practice or switch to another surgery.

Have you thought of volunteering in a local charity shop or similar until you find a job?

I understand how you feel. I could have written your post
I have been in bed until lunch time crying then crying on the sofa until 2pm.
I cannot take anti depressants though it interacts with another medication.
Have you had counselling for yourself? I am on the list for counselling and even found the assessment helpful just to talk with someone.

please, please try and get to see a different GP, sadly some are just rubbish at helping with depression. it took me 3 gps before I found one who was helpful. I know that its a horrible blow when a doctor is so dissmissive, but you must keep trying as counselling can be very helpful, antidepressants are not the only option.

is there a reason you are against antidepressants? they can be a good short term tool for giving you enough mental energy to start working out how to start feeling better. there is also st.jonns wort whuch is a natural antidepressant and could be worth a try.

don't beat yourself up about not wanting to go out sometimes. when ive been depressed I tend to lose all confidence witih my ability to cope in social situations. I find it helpful to try and approach going out with an open mind and try not to get stuck in the cycle of thinking 'i didn't cope last time I went out so this time will be crap too'. At the same time don't feel guilty about sometimes not feeling up to it.

I have no suggestions regarding your job situation, I've been there and know how demoralising it is, and how it does partly come down to luck. all I can say is keep trying, it's a horrible waiting game but you WILL get a job. volunteering could be good, as it would get you out and about and meeting new people, but I know its not always practical.

Goddess

It was my contraceptive pill, I forgot on Friday , then on Sat and Sunday I was vomiting so didn't bother.

I really don't

I had counselling before , for an eating disorder, it was ok but I didn't find it that help ful.

Evora

Tbh voluntarily work would be so much hassle with job centre , so many hoops to jump through, it's like I did some part time work and I declared it but on my time sheet I'd gone over by ten mins and got into trouble .

Against antidepressants as my mum has taken them for last thirty years I don't want to be like that.

This vary from day today , the job thing not having proper mates gets to me in various degrees I've been invited out :) doubt ill go as last time I felt like I didn't belong.