Hi, I'm 36 with two daughters aged 11 and 7. 12 months ago I left my husband after 17 years together. He had been my only relationship and whilst he was a very good man, we had drifted so far apart that we spent every night in different rooms, I felt like a single mother as he was always busy doing other things and there seemed to be no compromise in our relationship - I felt like I was living his life instead of my own. We parted amicably and remain so for the sake of our girls. They are ok and seem as happy as they can be under the circumstances.
Very soon after I left ,I began a relationship with another man (Ed) . I had noticed him from afar while I was with my husband but never would have acted upon it. Anyway, Ed and I fell head over heels, we were smitten. He would bombard me with texts all day and wanted to spend every minute with me. However, out of the blue, every few weeks he would end things with me and cut contact and I would be left devastated. He would say that it was because he wasn't over his ex, or he missed being with his children etc. he would run back to his ex, claiming that they weren't together and then after a few weeks, he would come knocking on my door or text me,apologising and saying he missed me. This went on and on, for almost a year.
I took him back each time because I loved him so much and wanted it to work. I lent him money, supported him emotionally and have him everything I had to give in a relationship.
A few weeks ago, we had an argument over his level of drinking to cope with stress, he shouted at me so viciously that I went to slap his face , but he grabbed by arm and hurt it. Following on from that he has cut all contact with me and blocked my number and is spending a lot of time with his ex and their children. It's killing me to think that they might reunite. I'm now really depressed. I'm so hurt that after everything Ive done, he has run back to her. I adore my children and I've tried to protect them from all this, but I feel Ive let them down and I'm so down that I can't be the fun, attentive mum that I always used to be.
I can't see any happiness ahead. I'm crying all the time - at home and at work. I don't know what to do. I know there is no future for Ed and I, but for now I'd just really appreciate some advice on how to move forward and if anyone else has found happiness after being in a relationship that has left them emotionally battered. Thanks x