Violent relationship

[LollyLorry]

I am a regular member but I have changed my name for this post.

Dh and I are living in a violent relationship and it's going to split us up. I know it's all my fault, I have a hair trigger temperament and I know it's wrong but I get annoyed and I just attack him, I lose self control completely. I have thrown a hot cup of tea at him, hit him on the head with a phone, thrown things at him, scratched him, kicked him, punched him. He never retaliates violently, he just gets up and walks out, sometimes I feel like killing him, I think I probably could if I got annoyed enough.

I don't know whats wrong with me, I know I behave irrationally, sometimes I will do really stupid things like take his radio control cars apart and throw the bits out of the bedroom window, I don't do that to hurt him, I do it because I find it hillarious at the time. He goes nuts and argues about it but I never feel guilty although I know I should.

I do want to split up with him but I know I will be exactly the same with someone else, I don't know why I am the way I am, I often wonder if I have mental issues but if I did I wouldn't know surely. I feel so confused at the moment, I get these urges to just go nuts and break something or make a mess, rip some of DH's clothes for a laugh etc, other times I feel down and I know there must be something wrong with me, I don't know anyone else who acts like I do. I will find something hillarious that other people find sad, nobody seems to be on the same wave lengh as me which makes me realise it is me with the problem.

Sorry for waffling on.

It sounds as if you need to talk to someone about what makes you react like this. There's obvious a reason for your actions and, as you say, it will just be the same with someone else if you leave dh.

Anger can be caused by depression or fear - are you depressed? Can you talk to anyone - friend, doctor, counsellor?

Lorry - I would say you it sounds like you have some behaviour/mental health issues. It could even be one of the bipolar disorders, from what you;ve said.
PLEASE go and see your GP or practice nurse. They will be able to help. If you have children, so it for their sake, not just yours and your DH.

Yes, i agree. Please make an appointment with your gp and tell them what you,ve wrote here.

Good luck xx

If this isn't a wind-up you really need help. Your behaviour is very far from normal and you are very lucky that your husband is a) still with you and b) hasn't retaliated. If you have children it is even more important that you get help otherwise you could end up attacking them too.

I don't think you are the only person to get like this and its brave of you to admit it to yourself and not just blame others as people often do when behaving badly.

Its not a happy way to live and there has to be reasons behind it. Definately go and get help as soon as possible. You can leave this angry person behind. If your dh is prepared to stick by you then that is worth fighting for and doing justice to.