Tonight my ex...

[Hurr1cane]

Showed up at 9pm banging on my door so I let him in, at which point he stood in my kitchen telling me to kill him, then he left.

Then I was woken up by banging on the door at 2:30am at which point he started begging me to let him in and said he needed my help. I offered to pass him out some money to get him a taxi home but he refused and just kept knocking for half an hour then left.

Then back he came at 3:30 am. Banging again. Telling me that he was just going to go and kill himself. I still didn't let him in and eventually he left.

Now he's messaged saying he has pulled himself together.

This has been going on for the past week, not him coming round but me waking up to 30+ emails ranging from begging me to come back to calling me names and saying he hates me.

I really don't know how to handle this now. We were together for 3 years, but for the last 2 he never really bothered with me at all, never came round much, spent all his money on going out drinking or feeding the bandit etc, and when I had a miscarriage stopped talking to me completely. Even when i said how much I needed him after losing the baby.

He wasn't even bothered when we did break up, didn't send a message at all, this has all only started since I started dating someone.

I don't understand it at all or know what to do. On one hand, he wasn't arsed about me at all and was really nasty to me when we were together, but on the other hand if I ignore him and he does kill himself it'll be my fault won't it?

I do have a DS with disabilities so I get next to no sleep during the week, and tonight is my only night of proper sleep as he goes to his dad's and now I've hardly got any so I'm really tired and emotional as well which isn't helping me think clearly.

Thanks everyone. Sorry for the late update again, DS must know I'm tired today so has decided that sleep isn't on the menu no emails at all today so fingers crossed!

Next time it happens call 101 or even better don't be home when he calls around? That will really take the wind out of his sails

Do what I had to do. Get the fucker arrested.

Only he went too far and threatened to kill the kids and myself (the police heard) so he was locked up for the weekend.

Nasty shock to his system and he left me alone (mostly) after that. Dickhead.

If he threatens suicide, recommend something painful, he isn't your responsibility. Whatever he does is not your fault.

Got an email apologising for all the horrible things he said when he was angry and for letting me and DS down. The email says he doesn't want a reply so that's good because I wasn't going to give him one anyway. He didn't apologise for turning up pissed at 2:30am but we can't have it all

Nope, no reply. But keep the email just in case so you can show it to the police if it happens again. The problem is that many people apologize when sober for things they do when they're drunk. But it doesn't stop them from getting drunk and doing it again!

2 more emails while I was asleep, both apologising and saying everything was his fault and he was shit and he doesn't deserve anything good etc. not replied

Well done. Keep ignoring. He is likely to ramp it up again when the emails don't work, so be prepared. He isn't writing the emails for your sake, they're all for him.

Tell him straight if he comes round again you will call the police. And do so if he does. That should give him the message. Ignore the bullshit about doing himself harm, he's getting drunk and harassing you. He won't hurt himself.

Keep all the emails!

Thank you. I'm just trying not to feel guilty about it all

Don't feel guilty. It didn't work out, you've moved on, you've done nothing wrong. He needs to move on too. He doesn't get to force himself into your life like this.

Chris is right. Relationships just sometimes don't work out.

I think you may want to talk to 101. Perhaps they could contact him and informally let him know that he isn't to contact you in any way in future.