"When a man retreats into his cave....."

[TwoNoisyBoys]

I've been reading about this online today, (bored at work!) and the theme seems to be, when a man withdraws from a woman, it's due to him feeling suffocated/stressed/needing time out and the thing us women need to do is not question it, not pursue him, not hassle or nag him, just wait patiently for him to decide he's ready to come out if his cave, when we should then welcome him with open arms and lots of love. Apparently, a needy, nagging woman will only make this worse, and could even lead him to falling out of love....!

Now, it strikes me that this seems very geared towards the man! I'm not sure if there's websites dedicated to men on how to deal with your 'emotional needy' woman to make her feel secure, loved and appreciated, but anyway......!

I know we all need our space, and it's healthy to spend time apart and that's all fine.....but do you think there's any truth in the theory of this? I feel annoyed by it, and feel it's really aimed at keeping the fellas happy, but wonder if there is actually a valid point being made here, about the differences between how a lot of men and women deal with emotional issues? I'm probably not making any sense, and rambling a bit, but really interested to hear what others think.....

When a man retreats into his cave - he probably has lots of chores that need doing. I know that's why I retreat into one of my sheds, greenhouses or polytunnels.

Pontus, I know EXACTLY what you mean!!!

I can go into a cave and do a lot of housework. In fact, I used to do much more housework when exH was around, because I'd get in a fury and needed to retreat into doing something mindless that was an excuse to avoid sitting anywhere near him.

The cave is metaphorical and it can be within yourself, while you are still busy.

I'm another cave dweller here. Completely 100% female last time I looked.

I remember reading this in Men are from Mars women are from Venus.

Does hiding in a bush round the park count as a cave?

When a man retreats into his cave...seal up the exit.

or

When a man retreats into his cave...go shopping.

When a man retreats into his cave....pile the washing up just outside the entrance where he can't avoid it when he emerges.

This could result in a 'cave stand-off'. As other person detaches and goes into own cave. Someone has to leave there cave first, but misplaced pride, stubbornness, or fear of rejection at that time by other cave-dweller, adds to the reluctance to be the one to break-free. Down we go, eventually losing effective communication.
I'll go in a cave for a time in response - or ignore them and get on with own stuff, more accurately. But if, after what I judge to be a reasonable time has ensued, and still in cave, then sod you, you will be challenged as life is too short.

...and when you come out there had better be an explanation with that, otherwise neither of us has learned anything from the experience.

I didn't get the impression from the book that the caves or the wells were about when people get angry at each other, actually.

More about the natural cycles, where sometimes people need to be alone and with their own thoughts, and sometimes people feel low, without being anyone else's fault.

The cave would be more when someone doesn't feel like talking and the lows when someone feels sad.
And the whole approach was to respect those feelings without taking them personally.

I can feel in a bad mood for no reason, and often need to be alone or doing my own thing with no company.
I think it's important to recognise when it happens to us and tell people around if they try to reach out or make us feel better.