I know this is a fairly insginficant thing compared to some peoples concerns on this section, but wanted some advice/tips (good kick up the bum ) or just your opinions.
My DC2 is due in a matter of weeks - and DD(3) has always been my main concern when it comes to where I will give birth and who she will be with - so much so that I was considering a home birth - for all the wrong reasons.
A really good friend was going to have DD, but she was anti-HB which pissed me off, and last time we went to her house her youngest DS was in a bad mood and really intimidated DD.
So after chatting to MW about HB and then to DH I admitted if DD could stay at home I would happliy have a hospital birth - which DH is relieved about. The only thing is IL's live 2 hours away and I have no family who could stay with DD. And all other friends have thier own lives - understandably.
So after weeks of complaining (mostly on MN) about MIL's unfair treatment between her 2 sons (BIL and wife also just had baby). And her sly and coniving attempts to place herself in our house following the birth so she's first to see our new DC etc... I put my feelings aside, sucked up my pride and phoned her asking her to come and stay from 39 weeks until new baby arrives.
She was more than happy to come and when I explained why I was asking her because I want DD to be with someone she knows and have all her home comforts etc she said she would enjoy taking DD out for walks and spoiling her etc so I could rest. This on top of being a relief also made me feel guilty for my earlier rants against her.
However last night she phoned again to check the date we wanted her to come so she could 'check it was alright with my SIL' . And once again I was made to feel like my BIL and SIL matter more than us.
My SIL has her own quite big family down the road and a mother who regularly comes to stay with her for up to 2 weeks at a time. And she has often complained to me that MIL only ever comes round and sits there doing nothing but playing with her older DC. And on occasion because of this has asked her to leave because she is a disruption. Despite the fact that the minute she needs to go out, get something from a shop or get DC's out of hours so she can tidy, IL's are the first people she calls on.
DH and I have asked IL's for help 3 times now in the last year (last 6 years actually): - to come up while I was in hospital after M/C, to help DH cope with DD, work etc - she said no as SIL needed her. To look after house for a week while we were away - no SIL needed her. And now, which she has agreed to.
Other than that we actully like them to come and see us in no other capacity than enjoy the day, go for walks, play with DD etc. And we happily do lunch and treat them as guests. And all I will want her to do when she comes up now is make sure DD is happy.
I feel BIL and SIl take IL's for granted - and IL's let them - so both parties are as bad as each other. We on the other hand only call on them when necessary, and have learned that's often not worth the effort and so rely on ourselves for everything else.
DH and I are now dreading loosing our privacy for what could be anything up to 4 weeks, despite what we will gain in the reassurance of our DD's happiness. And we're also worried about MIL commenting on our routines etc and relentlessly comparing us to SILs household.
By way of demonstrating this to you, FIL has recently found out my e-bay ID and MIL comments on what I buy and sell in nearly every conversation. Including how SIL could use that etc for her DC, instead of me selling it. Despite the fact BIL and SIL have more money and SIL commenting to me in the past on how her DC's wont have 2nd hand clothes.
Half of me says stop being stupid and give MIL a chance to prove she is not as bad as we think. The other half of me is wondering what on earth have we let ourselves in for.
Sorry to go one - but if nothing else I feel better for getting this off my chest.