I don't have anyone to discuss this with.
Things have been a bit rocky in my marriage of 20 years for a little while now. But things have come to a head more recently since H got a very good promotion at work. He travels quite a bit and likes being away, although he doesn't admit it. When he gets back he lives the life as a single man, coming and going as he pleases, no notification if he is going to be late etc etc. He has a bunch of new friends with this position, most of them single and they go out for drinks after work often. If he does message and say he is going for A drink after work, then I know he wont turn up till after 11pm that night.
And we aren't walking distance from where he works either, so of course its the drinking and driving as well. Its is probably my biggest thing, every time if he says he going for a drink, i ask him to please not drink and drive. Of course, it goes in one ear out the other.
Lately, if i send him a message (we use bbm so I can see if he has read the msg), he doesn't even bother to read them, as its only me on bbm that messages him. Let alone answer.....
So last night he rolls in after 2am. It turns out that he and two other colleagues got stopped for drinking and driving. I think that he bribed them, as he wasn't arrested and made it home with the car. This morning our front door was standing wide open, my neighbour phoned me at 6.30am to tell me so.
I have had enough! Have two children 12 and 16. The eldest one is going through some major issues right now, and i really don't want to change anything in our home situation right now - it is going to affect him terribly and I just cannot do it right now.
So i said to H this morning, that after x date (appointment ds has) in a few weeks, he needs to have found someone else to go, as I just cannot live with such a selfish person anymore. I cannot sleep until he is home, I have a lot of other stress going on at the moment too - i have a business which is going under and I am dealing with this alone - he doesn't seem to care about that at all, and I am just left to deal with it and retrench the staff. We started the business together, but finance issues meant that he had to get a job elsewhere to have a set income - hence the job he does now.
This morning before i said I want him out, he came along with the I am so sorry story, the one I have heard so many times before. He said then that he got a shock last night with the police incident and now he realizes that he has to change things. I was so pissed off as I said that is what I have been telling him for years, but that fell on deaf ears didn't it. He then even went on to say that he now realizes he has a problem.... so i was expecting him to say he has a drinking problem, or a problem by the fact that he is soon to be divorced and shut me and the dc out of his life, but no, his problems is that he just cant 'switch off and leave" if they are all out for the night.... Pathetic!
So now I have had 3 messages from him telling me he loves me. That he realises that his behaviour is despicable. That he is going to change really this time. I have replied to none of them.
Why don't i believe this. I feel so broken and worn down. I try to be strong for everyone else, everyone always comments on how strong i am (i have been through a lot with both my dc's health recently). I am not strong anymore. I don't even feel like I have the strength to carry on today.
Thanks for reading if you got this far....