Feeling sad.

[ducksong]

Hi there, I'm new to this place so I don't even know if this is the right place to post.
My partner's mum has been planning a huge holiday to Florida for all the kids and family as a treat. This has been under talks for a while. It isn't planned for a few years anyway as she wants the youngest children to be that bit older. Yesterday I find out from her that an ultimatum has sort of been put on us, something I didn't know. Well if me and my partner have a child then we are all disinvited and that my partner knew this and agreed to it. It turns out my partner forgot to mention this little detail and now as things stands there is a chance I may be pregnant currently. My main concern is my daughter already knows about Florida from other people talking about it. I just feel sad for her because i know she would love to go but there's a chance she may not. There is quite a bit of back story to my partners
family as I have suspicions that this ultimatum was given for vindictive reasons. I guess I have to choose my battles.

How long have you been together?.

Presumably your partner must be well under his mother's thumb to even agree to this idea of hers in the first place. I do not think he necessarily "forgot", he has "forgotten" to mention it to you perhaps because he is more afraid of his mother than he ever would be of you.

Would you really want to go on holiday with his family at all if his mother acts like she does?. This sort of behaviour done by such people has huge and unwritten obligation attached to it, its not just about a future holiday that may happen only some years down the line.

Is it financial reasons? Does she mean she can't afford to pay for an extra person?

Its definitely not for financial reason. She is due a huge sum of money, well her partners shares really.

We have been together nearly 3 years now, we will live together. And for a while I have thought he is under his mums thumbs but mentioning anything like that to him results in him getting a little annoyed. His family is a sensitive subject for him. I didn't even get angry at him yesterday, I just said I was disappointed he couldn't communicate it to me. I did call him a coward for allowing me to find out from his mum rather than himself. I'm sat here thinking a child could potentially get penalised because their sibling existed and that doesn't sit well with me.

If it is several years away and not even booked I wouldn't worry about it now as it might not even happen. And don't let your daughter get caught up in the excitement. I think it's mean for everyone to be discussing it in front of the children when it's years away anyway, it's ridiculous.

That is a stupid proviso that she has imposed and you need to know what is behind it. Sounds like the relationship between you all needs sorting.

If I knew there was a condition attached to us going then I wouldn't have mentioned anything to her as that would be highly unfair.

I would love to know what is behind it but my partner is very much like his mum in the sense that they take any comments as criticism. Like yesterday, I asked why didnt he speak to me about it, he in turn replies that I don't like his family. He thought I was criticising his family when all I was asking was why didnt talk to me. One positive to come out of it was my partner did say he would always choose to have a child with me over a holiday. I don't think his mum would take that well!