Friends/family judgement re marriage breakdown

[weedinthepool]

Hello, sorry I'm always coming on here nowadays to get advice, hope I'm not annoying people

I've been dwelling on this situation a couple of days and just wanted some objective opinions. Facts: Left my physically sexually, emotionally and financially abusive stbxh 9 months ago. Police started an investigation into a family member who sexually abused me and other girls when we were children 6 months ago. I'm getting therapy from Rape Crisis and have a new job and am studying for a PhD as well as being a newly single mum to 3dcs. Oh and I moved house.

So the last 9 months have been exponentially harder than is normal for me.

I am getting judged from friends, family, school mums and work colleagues on how I'm handling the whole thing. The things they are judging and commenting on are: when the dc's are with their dad I like to take trips abroad, only 2/3 days but this is ridiculous apparently. I've been going to gigs/festivals regularly (again when dc's are at their dads) and I look like I'm partying too much and then recently I was told off by a friend, who has just split with her H, because her crazy H has been 'stalking my FB account and has seen all the partying and MEN' (paraphasing her text) and us giving her shit and won't let her go in a trip with me. I have had 1 ONS and am seeing a younger guy very casually but that is it and the only things I post on FB are about food!

All the school mums have stopped inviting me to their gathering's, I don't know if it's because they don't want to associate with me now I'm a lone parent (I was the middle class mum with the 4 bed house and husband before so fit in with them?!) or what.

My family are going on about how much I go out, which is only when the dc's are at their dads (2 nights out if 7).

I'm so pissed off and stressed. I'm keeping going, I go to work, I keep the house tidy, I look after the dc's OK, I study when needed, I'm keeping my finances in order. So why am I feeling like I'm doing/handling stuff badly? What are all these judgements about? I'm trying to deal with crap stuff, yes I like to get a bit drunk at hhe weekends but that's not a crime is it? Aaargh sorry I'm venting and this is too long!!

people want her to fall apart, so she is no longer above them probably. And if she is beneath them then they will feel more superior and better about themselves? They are prob very insecure with incredibly low self esteem I guess. And prob not v nice folk too.

Oh GOD village life is so shit for stuff like this, yeah it's nice to be able to leave your door unlocked blah blah but the backbiting and bitchery are just unbearable.

I think it's pretty clear that the people who are disapproving have their own vested interest in you not having a good time. So I would say fuck all of them, and stick with the people who know you and love you and who celebrate with you that you've become a confident woman who loves life.

Hell, yes, the married men who suddenly appeared to be 'helpful' after my separation/divorce. (If I'd wanted a cheating married man, I would have kept the cheating married man I was married to

There are a lot of insecure women about, and with good reason. 'Sparrows peck at pretty birds' (Samuel Johnson?)

Is anyone checking up and commenting on what your ex is doing when you have the kids?
No? Thought not.

That's the thing when you are separated, your exh has to have the kids entirely on his own in his contact time, giving you the kind of freedom that post kids, normally only (some) men enjoy.

I suspect your mummy friends would quite like some regular guaranteed childfree to time but feel guilty for even thinking it.

Nope, nobody and I mean NO ONE has asked what stbxh does when dc's are with me. He drops them at school twice a week so its not like he doesn't have a presence there. It just seems to be me that have the hoiking judgy pants crew.

My friend just posted some pics of me on holiday a couple of weeks ago. Can't wait for the comments tomorrow, what's the bet the word 'gallivanting' comes up? My pithy reply is going to be 'It was better than hanging out in a monastery for the weekend'.

As for the school mums keeping me away from their husband's? I've had one, it was shit, I don't want another and the dad's at dcs school have bad hair anyway

Too bloody right - you gallivant away!
And always remember and abide by this:-
'Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy!'
And this...
'Don’t let negative and toxic people rent space in your head.
Raise the rent and kick them out!'

It says everything about them - their insecurities, jealousies, hangups, ways they think people 'should' be - and fuck all about YOU.

You sound like you are coping amazingly and good for you for reconnecting to fun and interesting things like travel and gig going to enjoy in your new-found freedom. It is so hard to recover from abuse and a big part of that is rediscovering yourself, your needs and wants and things to do for yourself to make YOU happy.

You're doing all that...I'd say you are one fabulous person.

If i wanted your opinion i would ask for it, so in future please keep your thoughts to yourself. Is a good phrase.

Block them all, and ask your real friends to block them too. They don't deserve a window into your life.