Sorry if this is long...
He is 31 and I am 30. I have a young DS. We’ve been together about 10 months.
I moved back in with my parents’ after splitting from DS’ dad to save for a deposit for my own place. I’ll move out in 10-12 months.
He moved back in with his parents after splitting from his ex while they sold the house. He has decided to stay for about another year because he is setting up his own business and he is putting all his cash in that.
It has been suggested that if things are still going well by then, we’ll move in together.
Generally, things are lovely.
I run my own business too and it’s going well. We love talking about our projects and getting enthusiastic and egging each other on. The future is exciting for both of us really. We’re both pretty creative and ambitious.
We have loads in common and have lots of fun. We get on well with each others’ friends and families. We’re big on long conversations into the night etc.
Because of our living arrangements and because I have DS, there isn’t loads of opportunities to spend the night. Some weeks we’ll be really busy but we’ll try and see each other even if its for just an hour a time. Other weeks, we’ll spend a couple of nights together and the odd day. We talk all the time by text and phone.
He’s very kind and supportive. And funny. He makes me happy and I love him.
Here’s the rub….My own doubts about how strongly he feels about me.
He says he’s never had a relationship before where he feels like he has a best friend and a girlfriend. About 4 months in, I told him I loved him. He said love was a big word and he felt like he was getting there but didn’t think he could say it yet. He wants to be sure before he says it, particularly as he has been so hurt (his ex cheated). Neither of us have mentioned it since.
I often feel like he does. If we’re out in a group, we're always sneakily looking at each other and smiling. We’re very cuddly and affectionate. He’s really caring.
We don’t have sex as much as we would like as we are not often alone more than a couple of times a week. We try and go away for a night every now and again.
He has had 2 LTRs and I know they both moved quite quickly. Moving in fast etc. It sounds like he was even a bit over the top with them. Buying expensive gifts, proposals etc. He says he was young and never felt like he could be himself and always felt like he had to impress and that he feels more secure about himself then he was then. He says he’s happier now with his life then he has ever been (not just me, but work, doing lots of exciting things, lots of time with our friends doing fun stuff etc).
Don’t get me wrong, I would run a mile if he showered me with expensive gifts and proposed marriage at this stage.
He has met DS a couple of times and all spending more time together is on the cards for the summer. I have always wanted to move slowly in that regard. And I guess I am holding back because I keep thinking I don’t want them to spend time together until I can be sure he loves me.
I keep thinking he can’t feel as strongly about me as he did those other women.
I don’t want to pressure him to say those three little words. I know actions speak louder than words and like I said, I feel loved when we are together. But how do you know if someone truly does love you or if they just think you’re great, but are not mad about you, you’re just a great friend? What if they just like someone to cuddle up with and like being in a relationship?
This is kind of what happened with my ex. If I am completely honest, I settled. He turned out to be quite nasty and controlling. But I am terrified of someone settling for me.
How do you know?