dh is reaaly bad with money and wont get a job..

[MrsOhHu]

He's spent £7500 this year on courses and an enterprise he tried for a month then abandoned. He has already gone through £35,000 of my money, which I used to pay of the mortgage and he is now ploughing through his endowment, so we will never be mortgage-free. He is nearly 60, self-employed but out of work. He is not looking for work, speaking to anyone, or writing letters. He will not accept that he may be depressed. I am at my wit's end. We have 2 very young children. I feel utterly betrayed, desperately upset, and quite lost. I do not have a supportive family and I don't know what to do.

For starters put any money which is yours completely out of his reach - don't have a joint bank account.

£35k of yours !

My god. How awful for you. Are you bringing in any money at the moment? Is he looking after the children whilst doing naff all? What is his excuse for not finding work? (Other than being retirement age, but I'm guessing that is a very distant dream!)

Who gives these blokes the time of day????

My xp was like that, crap with money and then decided he didn't want to work anymore.

Thats why he is my ex.

Well, my dh doesn't work, partly because he is too ill and partly because he is a SAHD. It is okay not to work - just not to be bloody useless!

It's fine not to work if you can afford not to. We cant. There is simply no money. I'm desperate to leave where we live, and have been for many years. He says we cant because he wouldn't know what to do outside London, yet he does very very little here. I cant bear the thought of spending the rest of my life in a place I hate.

Yes - sorry - wasn't trying to suggest it was okay, just wondering if he was doing something useful like take care of your children? This doesn't bring in the cash but clearly has to be done.

It's easy to say 'ditch the old geezer' but I do wonder - what value is he really adding here?

MrsOhHu - do you earn any money? perhaps you should simply move, and tell him he can come with you if he wants! Especially since London is so very expensive.
Can you stop him ploughing through the endowment in any way?? I would be quite anxious if he was in any position to get at any more of your joint finances.

I am not surprised you feel so lost and betrayed - he has used your money and security to his own selfish ends, and left you vulnerable and miserable and living in a place you hate. If he was caring about you at all he would listen to your unhappines about where you live. It sounds as if he would be unwilling to go to Relate - but what if you were to put more pressure on him? Is he aware of what he has done to you? Have you had your say about your £35k (how did he get it??).

If he is not going to earn any money, you really should forcefully insist you move - London is a dismal place to be scraping around if you haven't enough to live on, and the property is so ridiculous.

I think you can go to Relate on your own if there are major issues in your marriage - and I do think this counts as a major issue. very major.

Yes, make any more money you have inaccessible to him. He will spend it. Do you think he is spending to make himself feel better (as you say he is depressed).

Thank you for all your messages and support. I still don't know the extent of his debts, but at last he is finally selling some things he no longer uses. He has also been in touch with a friend who may be able to point him in the right direction work-wise, but there's still an awful long way to go. I told him he must NOT do any more courses because the same things will keep on repeating, so he has cancelled a course he was planning on. He is stuck on being self-employed, which is stupid. I'm not working at the moment and don't have a job to go back to which is frustrating.