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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Splitting the married pot

27 replies

MoonlightPicnic · 08/06/2015 21:42

I've been married for nearly three years and living together for five. We have a DS of just under two. DW has been back at work for about six months. She earns about £800/1000 a month and often works out of the country on weekends during which I'm the sole carer for our DS. I earn about £2000/Month. The problem is I've always been the one who pays virtually all the bills and now DW is back at work I really need her to contribute financially. if I'm honest if I was better off it wouldn't worry me, but I've been fighting debt and have recently agreed a plan with my creditors via Stepchange so finances are difficult. I feel very anrgy that DW knew this was coming, but whenever I tried to discuss this she got highly upset and bought up my "failings" when it comes to the household chores . Now our lovely DS is too big for the one bedroom pond we're living in and the financial pressure is mounting....any help would be great!

OP posts:
Skiptonlass · 09/06/2015 10:10

I have old style student loans too.. And graduated with about 4 k of debt. Even with many years of deferral while I worked shitty jobs it's still not much more than that. Can you explain how the 30k of debt was incurred? It can't be through just loan interest surely ?

Horses are a money pit I'm afraid...

Thenapoleonofcrime · 09/06/2015 10:11

I have been where you are and debts are (IMO) one of the worst things that can happen to a marriage, you get bitter, blame is apportioned, you can't sleep for worry and so on.

Time for a completely honest, cards on the table type chat. The chat in which you tell the truth which is- your home is now at risk (even if rented) from your debts and you simply cannot make ends meet at all. That you will get CCJs and even have to go bankrupt if this continues.

So- this means you have to examine every single expense and outgoing and consider how it could be reduced, and how the money you have as a whole could pay back your debts. Basically, and wrongly, you have been borrowing to make up the shortfall in your everyday living expenses (easy to do if you are in the SE for the airports, at a guess). She needs to be putting in pretty much all her pot, pretty much all your pot and it's then doable.

I think you need to get serious and outline the above. It may push her into broaching the stables situation.

You equally need to be realistic about the 'shopping'- if you mean food for a family for a month, it's not £100 at all. It's much more than that (£250-400) depending how much time you have to shop about and go to discount places, if both working this can be a problem. So you need to really understand who pays for what and what this actually costs- not minimise her costs as she may feel you are discounting what she brings to the table.

Hope it works out for you, I think you need to let her know it's crisis time, that your debt repayments have to come out FIRST (after rent, bills) and then you have to manage the rest of the month, even if that means you raid the freezer and shop only in Aldi for the last two weeks of the month (can you tell I have done this?)

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