How can I support my DH with his anxiety?

[Hipotle]

Hi, NC for this, but hoping someone can help me with some advice and tips about how I can best support my DH, who is experiencing a period of severe anxiety.

He is seeking counselling and is open to discussing how he's feeling, and he really wants to be well again, but I feel like I'm failing him by not knowing how best to help him at home and day to day.

Briefly, his anxiety relates to very low self esteem, work stress, issues from childhood where he experienced bullying, and he is also experiencing mini panic attacks. He also does something which is not quite self harm, but a habitual issue along those lines - not eyelash / hair pulling, but similar in nature and effect (don't want to out myself or him).

We have a good relationship, and I love him dearly, but I feel like I could be better supporting him, so if anyone is in a similar situation and could share some wisdom, either as the person experiencing similar issues, or the partner supporting them, I would be so grateful.

Thank you.

Has he been to the GP? That is an obvious firsy port of call I would have thought. I used ads and some diazepam and talking thetaoy together (and relaxation and upped exercise ) last time I was bad with anxiety. It got better, so the combination wasn't actively counterproductive afaik.

When I was very bad I found I coukd exercisr very hard, and in fact that was one of the few ways of taking my attention right off the mental pain, and into the effort instead. I did need time off work, too, several weeks - if only to do all these hesling activities!

I also cut caffeine altogether, the racing heart feels like anxiety which makes you start worrying iyswim.

I still find that alcohol after about 9 at night mskes me wake up in a state of anxiety and self-loathing (even if it was only 1 glass of wine so not self loathing about excess boozing, as it isn't ) . And I drink tea again now, but not coffee.

He really needs to be prepared to make an effort here , and stick to it. Its a bit like losing weight , he has to commit to a healthier way of living. Get him to tell you what he is going to do!

Thanks Sonja and Ketchup. I appreciate your advice. Rereading my last post I realise I did make it sound like I'm trying to micromanage everything and 'fix' him - in reality that's not so much the case, but I definitely take on board what you're saying. It's just so hard wishing I could help him and not knowing how. I think I have to accept it may be a long process, and adjust accordingly - I think doing that will help me support him, as I won't be banking on him suddenly getting better just like that.

Luckily exercise seems to be helping him which I'm so pleased about.

That's great about the exercise hipotle, you can certainly support him in that, by 'expecting' it to happen, and even join him.

My dp is likely to say 'have you been for your walk yet?', or I'll say 'you havent been out on your bike' ie we support and encourage each other to make it a daily habit.

I had anxiety for 10 years and it was very severe. What helped me was good quality vitamins, lots of water and healthy foods. Accepting the anxiety and mindfulness. Also focusing on what's important to me in life rather then letting the anxiety engulf my entire existence. I tried medications they made me worse. I'm fine now and realise most of what I suffered was my own fear of symptoms and pushing them away as I desperately wanted to be normal. I'd say claire weekes is a good starting place