Please tell me everything is going to be ok

[dinoswore]

Because I'm so sad and scared and alone.

I have told him I don't want to be married to him any more. We already live apart. I left him last year because of his alcoholism and refusal to get a real job. There was other stuff too.

We were trying to work things out because we still have feelings for each other. We also have young DCs. But I realised that nothing has changed. He is still pissing about not applying for jobs and as far as I know, he is still drinking.

So I told him today, I can't stay married to him.

I need to know, will I be happy again? I have been so low for so long, all because of this fucked up fucking situation, I think I'm actually depressed. And now I've ended my marriage, I'm not relieved - just lonely and scared and horribly sad.

Lonely and scared and sad is ok. Normal human reactions.

You will be happy again. Look what you have done today: you have taken charge of your life again, rather than handing over your happiness to somebody who did not behave the way you need in a relationship. You are the only person who can make yourself happy, and you are taking the steps you need to make that happen.

You may indeed be depressed: go speak to your GP.

I recommend speaking to a good, trusted friend as well. Real-life support really lightens our load.

Thank you Goats. I will try to talk to a friend sometime this week.

Feel like I just lost my best friend.

Mind you, as a friend he could be great but mostly pretty rubbish. Talked about his boring (to me) interests a lot of the time and took little interest in my interests (although I never tried to have conversations with him about stuff I knew he wasn't interested in).

Will I find someone else? I don't want to be alone.

The thread about weird OLD blokes is eradicating all hope.

Dinoswore it must be really painful. You will be happy again. You won't be lonely. There will be friendships, relationships, people who will want to talk about your interests. It's just these steps feel the hardest.

Everything will indeed be ok. Forget finding someone else, put that at the back of the queue. Concentrate on what makes you happy. Is there anything you want to do in life that you didn't do because of him? Or because of other circumstances?
Make changes for yourself, make yourself happy, and the rest will fall in to place.