I feel like I have nothing to talk about

[Ikeameatballs]

I've been seeing someone pretty casually for the past few weeks. I like him, we have good sex together etc but I feel sometimes like I struggle to find things to say.

He is v chatty, which I like. I just feel scared that I have nothing interesting to say, today it was really obvious to me and I rang him this evening and said I was sorry and that I just felt scared of saying the wrong thing so I was quiet which then made me more scared etc. To some degree this is true but I just worry that I genuinely have nothing interesting to contribute. This evening he said he had noticed me being quiet but just thought I was tired, he also said not to be scared and that he was sure I wouldn't say the wrong thing. The same thing happened at this stage in my last relationship though I did somehow get over it. The thing is I'm starting to think that I am actually v boring....Aaargh! What can I do?

Oh I am like this! I am a stay at home mum, not many friends etc. I.e. started trying to read more, a good book, interesting articles, watching films etc. I also share (non private) things about my friends and what we have got up to etc. All the things I use to do before I became less confident.

Maybe pick a few topics that internet you, even just on the news etc. Dot treat it as a job interview and memerise it obviously but it might help you feel prepared and then you'll naturally feel more comfortable the more you talk.

Accept who you are. You are perfect just the way you are x

And never ring a man to apologise for this sort of thing again! That's run a mile territory x

Just re-read that! Excuses the typos!!

What do you mean, run a mile territory? He will run a mile?

I often feel like this when i go out socially. I'm fine with my close friends (they love me even if im boring!), but with bigger groups / people i dont feel so secure with i feel really boring and like i have nothing to offer. I think it might be a self esteem issue. I can imagine feeling like this on dates too..

Agree that we have to try and accept who we are. I am not the life and soul of the party type, as much as i wish i was! Maybe you are similar?

He sounds nice and respectful, so try not to worry

You don't have to fundamentally change who you are but it helps to have a few things which fire your interest.

Do you hold strong views about anything. Do you hold a view on most subjects. Are you afraid of talking about your own thoughts and feelings. Can't you talk about what happens in your day-to-day life.

What does he like to talk about. What is his job. What are his interests. You could read up on his hobbies.

Read the news. There is lots of fodder there and you can choose fairly safe topics.

If you haven't got anything to say, my trick is to ask questions. Ask his view on things. People love to talk about themselves.

Thanks for your thoughts. I'm really going to try to relax and just speak! As well as asking questions and talking about stuff in the news etc. will hopefully see him this week again.

I was like this with OH. In fact I had no friends at school because I had nothing to say, nothing g interesting or nothing funny. But after a few awkward months of dating we just clicked more and more. Persevere it'll just suddenly become easier.

Chatty people need listeners!

If youi rush to fill every gap with conversation you won't get to share companiable silences.

To be honest, few people have anything of interest to say. They just open their mouths and out it tumbles!

Everyone's favourite topic is themselves!!

Just let him chat on with you asking the odd thing and he'll probably not even notice that you aren't saying much. Over time, you'll start thinking of more things to say as you get more confident.

I consider myself a non chatty person.

I do seem to prefer the company of chatty people, then I just fill in the occasional gap!

Perhaps you could write a few notes on anything that happens through the day, any interesting feature on the news, any funny bit in a programme you watched last night.

My theory is that if you don't talk about stuff you are much more likely to forget about it, so a funny event isn't fixed in your brain as you've never run over it with anyon. So writing it down does the same as talking about it and you can recall it to tell to someone when the opportunity arrives.

I felt the same way when I met DH. I was so worried that we would run out of things to say as it seemed to happen on all my previous dates.
Turns out they just weren't the right guys and all my worrying was for nothing.
DH and I were able to talk and talk. We just had absolutely everything in common. Same life goals, same values, same interests.
Perhaps this guy is just not the right guy?
I'm a firm believer that you shouldn't need to make yourself more interesting for any guy. He should think you're the most fascinating thing 'as is'.

My tip if I can't think of anything to say is to look thoughtful and say nothing. Other people soon jump in.

And anyway most people prefer to be with someone who is a good listener

I think this is normal in the early stages of a relationship. I'm a pretty chatty person but can find myself feeling a bit forced and racking my brain for things to say when I don't really know the person. I had this with
my current boyfriend and he's Spanish, so made it even harder in some ways as there's sometimes a language barrier. It's fine now I know him better and a few glasses of wine helps too

I agree this is a difficult stage in the relationship where you have probably exhausted all the casual topics of conversation but have not built up enough of a relationship to have shared experiences and shared friends to talk about.

Just keep plugging away and try not to worry too much.

I like Norah's idea about writing things down. I am not a person who needs to talk about my feelings or bounce ideas off others. I kinda know my own mind. But this sort of stuff can be interesting for conversation topics. If something happens to you during the day or you saw or read something which struck a chord or posed a question in your mind, write it down to share later.

Little things like this spark others. 'Tis the beauty of conversation.

I have a feeling that I'm going to be dumped this evening....will be calling him later once the kids are in bed.

Hope you're ok, Ikeameatballs.

Spoke to him and all was well . He said he sometimes suffers from anxiety and so he empathised. Feel loads better though will definitely take onboard the advice above. Thanks all!

Good news!

Are you an introvert rather than 'boring'?

I'd recommend searching out the introvert thread or watch Power of the Introvert on Ted.com

Yes, I did Myers-Briggs recently and scored as an introvert, though was surprisingly close to extrovert.

I have a lot of internal dialogue, I guess I tend to think about things quite deeply and only feel comfortable talking about those things with someone I know really quite well already....Almost like I can do superficial chit-chat with anyone and deep stuff with a few people but it's the in between, which is where this relationship is at, that I struggle with. Going to hunt out the introvert thread!

I feel the same. I am a people person, but recently with dd being at school full time and not working, I am becoming quite withdrawn. I am avoiding as much as possible to avoid talking with people. And on the school run I have distanced myself and wait away from everyone else because I feel different from everyone else, not working and being at home. what do I talk with others about? Oh er did another basket of laundry what fun