I'm in a situation entirely of my own making. I can't carry on any more, but I can't see a way out.
3 years ago, I had an affair. It was a textbook old flame getting in touch via Facebook - I was stupid enough to let it get out of hand. I realise now that I was bored in my marriage, however it was nothing that wasn't fixable. My husband is decent, lovely caring man who would have done anything for me. I will never forgive myself for what I did to him, but that's my pain to bear.
The affair escalated to the point where I felt my only option was to leave my husband, mainly due to emotional blackmail from the OM. Again, in hindsight, I realise this was entirely the wrong decision, but at the time I was unable to think straight.
Me and the OM got together, 2 years later we're still together. Except it's all a lie. I don't like him, certainly don't love him. I don't enjoy his company, can't bear him near me. We don't do anything together, we certainly don't make plans. He sees his children every other Sunday afternoon, when he takes them to his parents'. I've met them once - although I'm perfectly happy with this, it's certainly not the basis of a proper relationship.
He doesn't treat me well. All the promises he made to tempt me away have come to nothing. He contributes very little financially or practically around the house. I've turned into a person I don't recognise. I hate leaving the house, and I'm currently signed off work with stress/depression.
But I'm so, so scared of being alone. This is the only reason he's still here. He knows this, but doesn't care, and uses it to his advantage. Sometimes I resign myself to this being my life from now on - but sometimes - like today - it all gets too much to bear. It's just so overwhelming.