DH is out with OW tonight

[TheWhiteFlag]

We're in the process of separating, but due to financial issues we still live together. I feel lonely and weepy. I don't know what I want from this thread. Hand-holding I guess. :( Feel so very down and so, so lonely. Can't go to see friends as I have to look after the children tonight, so I'm stuck here on my own behind a laptop.

You can get a months free subscription for Netflix. Lots of box sets to work your way through.

Yes, I'd have a look at Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt on Netflix. Guaranteed hilarious.

I'm in the North East withalittlebitofluck

hand to hold, here. weep if you like. it will pass. time will come and you won't care two hoots.

What a dick even the most confident self assured person would be feeling anxious in this situation.
Hope you have netflix as there is some great comedy on there. I watched Man Down last night couldn't stop laughing. May be worth a look.

Just started watching Gossip Girls on Netflix. Am hooked.

Sorry you are going through this OP. Your H is a selfish nasty bastard!

That is pants OP, and a hand hold from me. I agree with the other posters who say that next weekend you must definitely get dolled up and go somewhere, anywhere! Hopefully it will be out for cocktails and dancing, of that's your thing. But if not then just go to the cinema. Just make sure that he's pulling his weight and seeing what he's missing,

Lock the door. You obviously presumed he'd be out for the night, and you wanted to go to bed - if he asks.

What a knob.

What Paddlingduck said. Focus on getting out ASAP for your own sanity!

I agree with Hiding.

My DH is attending a bbq with the OW at her parents this evening whilst I'm here with the DC's. Things is one of the many evenings in the past few months that he has done this. At first it really fucking hurt...it still does now, but I look at my sleeping children and realise that never in a million years would I want to trade places with him. Yes, I would like lots of new and exciting sex, drinks out, laughter, etc, but NOT in the way that he is doing it. I will wait for my time when it is right for me. I won't have to deal with the guilt if my actions. I will deserve it because I will come out if this mess stronger, without guilt and with my head held high.

I felt a lot better when I started thinking of myself as a single mum...even though he is still in the house. I stopped my desperate pleas to him. It has made things so much better because it made me calmer and lowered my anxiety levels. I also realised that the hurt that I am feeling is part of the natural process of getting myself through all of this shit. I almost welcome it because whilst I am dealing with it, as painful as it is, I AM healing.

I used to be very anxiety prone but it's mainly under control now, if it comes back, which it sometimes does when I am under pressure, I stop and notice which way the feeling is churning and spin it in the opposite direction whilst making a relaxing sound like, Ahhhh, like when you get into a hot bath and all your problems melt away... Now speak about the problem in the past tense, like "that was was a nightmare, I can't believe how bothered I was about that" then you might want to think about all of the men that have found you attractive in the past and which one you want in the future.... Also be nice to yourself, your own best friend.

Big Hugs

Op, I have been where you are and it's hard, very hard....I also had to watch while he got ready to go out and have a great time with the OW and also (and I hope you never have to go through it) bring her back to our home, it is something I wish no decent person has to go through but it happens. I put up with it for 6 months to show that they couldn't beat me (but it was 6 months too long) please don't put yourself through that as it will damage you more, get out as early as you are able to. On the outside I am still the confident, loving and out going person that I always was, but on the inside

Op if I were closer I would of come over and brought you wine!
Hope your ok? Just remember you got your children x

I have a little story that might make you smile, OP.

When my ExH and I separated, he still lived in the house but started going out on the pull on Saturday nights. AFAIK he was never successful but one night he rolled home very late and very drunk and told me all about the new best friend he'd made. This new friend had bought him drinks all night, taken him to a party and been very interested in listening to all his woes.

ExH asked me if I knew him, name of xxxx, tall, specific accent, owned a business in town.

His face was priceless when I told him that indeed I did know him. He was/is a well known predatory homosexual .

ExH had some quiet nights in for the next few Saturdays, leaving me free to go out for drinks on my own with a book in my favourite old man's quiet, real ale pub. Result!

I agree fully with the poster who made the point if he afford to spend money on the ow then he can afford to save up and get gone.

Thanks so much to everyone who supported me last night. This morning I've persuaded him to go make a mediation appointment this week (to discuss his departure, splitting of assets, etc). Can anyone talk me through the process?

I stopped my desperate pleas to him.

Yeah, I caught myself doing a bit of that :(

HarrietSchulenberg that story is epic! Put a smile on my face. ty

Mediation can work for some people if you both are open to resolving the finances. I found mine a farce and walked out of the meeting and straight into my solicitor's office to file for divorce.

Bring details of all your incomings/outgoings and details of what you need to live on financially. The meeting isn't about blame or accusations, it's merely to establish what is a fair split financially.

You will have a quick chat with the mediator beforehand as will your husband, then you are in the same room with a mediator who will remain impartial but direct the meeting.

I really feel for you, last night must have been horrible for you. I was amazed myself at the way my body reacted to certain situations - it's indescribable sometimes but it just shows how much you need this sorted.

handfulofcottonbuds why a farce?

My STBXH is a consummate professional, everything always was so organised and he was always super prepared with everything. I was shocked at him at the meeting - should say he left me for OW

He turned up to our meeting looking like a tramp. Only a couple of the pages of the forms were completed by him and looked like he'd written it with his foot!

He interrupted me the whole time to put me down. He tutted. He slouched in the chair, he ignored the mediator, he tried to start an argument at every opportunity. He refused to use my name, referring to me as 'she' instead.

No evidence like P60, bank statements etc, told the mediator it was none of my business.

This was so out of character! I however was super organised and looked fabulous

I was and still am totally shocked by his behaviour in front of a professional. Plus it was about £200 wasted but it's a process you have to go through.

We used to babysit grandson for my son who was a single dad at the time.

I had a part time job on a Thursday, so I switched to a Friday and never came home till about midnight.
would meet my friend going through the same thing and go for a meal and a drink.
He was itching to get out.
Sooo funny. There's more than one way of skinning a rabbit.