female falling in love with female friend

[totallybewildered]

NCed! Has this ever happened to anyone?

Oh no! What happened? Hope you're OK.

Don't blame yourself: it was never going to be an easy conversation.

It's probably the rejection itself, rather than how you presented it, that hurt her most. And that's something that you can't do anything about, and which she has to come to terms with herself.

I had lots of nice things to say planned, in case she said something. I intended to give her a hug and tell her how much she meant to me, as a friend, but in the event I just panicked. I've tried ringing her this morning but she won't pick up.

still won't pick up her phone. I don't know what to do. I'm going to go round to her house.

I would suggest you just let it rest.

Phoning and calling round her house smacks is interference, and also mixed messages, since she has romantic feelings for you.

You have rejected her romantic advances. Now let her grieve and adjust to the rejection.

*smacks of

I didn't go round, because I didn't know what to say if she opened the door, or if her husband was there. I feel heart broken.

We have spoken in the last few days. We have got back together.

We have got back together

I take you mean you are talking or did you decide you have a romantic interest after all?

I once fell in love with a friend. I am gay she is not. I look back now and feel sad because she was very good to me, and I couldn't maintain the friendship when she met a man, married and had a child. She was always clear she was straight and made a point of telling me she did not believe in changing etc in front of me because if she wouldn't change in front of a bloke why should she with me? She also told me about a girl who had tried to kiss her and she just pushed her away as she would if a man tried it on.
I look back and think she played it exactly how she should have, and it was my loss. I now miss her wonderful friendship more than her fragrant loveliness .... but god was she gorgeous ;). In fact I fell in love with all my best friends at school who also happened to be extremely attractive. On reflection it probably wasn't a coincidence.
My DP had a non sexual relationship with an older woman for many years, and they were in nearly every sense a couple. It has taken the "ex" nearly four years and she is still not over it. I always thought she was a repressed lesbian, but after reading this maybe she was straight and this is a thing I just don't get. She hasn't had a boyfriend since uni and I can't get my head round how she has coped without any sex for decades. I don't think I could last a month!

or did you decide you have a romantic interest after all? I have got a romantic interest. That is a nice way of explaining how I feel. But I'm only saying that anonymously on here, and can't say it anywhere else really. But we are friends again. I don't want to be without her, so this is the best compromise.

I think sometimes it can be easy for a friendship to cross lines into relationship territory, especially when both friends are predisposed to sharing intense emotions. It has happened to me before... once I did not return the romantic affection when Friend A tried to kiss me... but when Friend B did the same, I did. We were in a relationship that took almost a year to become fully sexual, and we ended up together for four years. It was my first true love, and luckily after we separated (after a few years apart) we came back together as friends, but nothing more. We are both now settled down with men, and I have a DS, and we're still really close.

All I'm saying is that the line is blurry, especially in this modern age when a good number of people believe that sexuality can be fluid, and that it is the person you fall in love with, not the gender.

So don't feel bad for having "confusing" feelings - just explore them in your own way, at a pace and distance you feel comfortable with, and hopefully your friend, if she truly loves you, will respect this.

that is very helpful phoenixrose, thank you

well, we are on okish terms, but I feel like I have lost the most important friendship in my life. I am so hurt and sad, and I have cried a lot. The harder I try to put things right, the more it feels wrong.

Things like this are very confusing and upsetting and I have been there too - sexual confusion isn't just the premise of teenagers, I discovered!

I felt very 'safe' with my friend.

I don't know what to do with myself about this relationship. I'm totally in pieces. her husband is being really unkind, and I don't know to what extent. He always seemed so nice before, for years. I am getting so worried that I realise I've spent days sitting looking at my phone waiting for texts to know how she is. I feel like I have become obsessed. I am struggling to concentrate on my own life.

wow I just landed on this thread and I'm curious what happened in the last few years after this thread came up