Should I give this man a second chance?

[YoooHooo]

have namechanged as ex-dh on here!

I have had a relationship with dp for 2 and a half years. The dcs like him. He lived with us for a while but over the course of about 2 months, he started going off the rails a bit. He was going out a lot (suddenly) and coming back very late, during the week which I found hugely disruptive as I work FT and the dcs are at school.

I told him he needed to sort it out and if he couldn't he had to stop living with us because it wasn't fair on me and the kids. Dp is a terrible communicator and in the end, after telling me he was going off the rails and needed a bit of space, he left while saying he acknowledged why I wanted him not to live there, he still wanted to see me. He didn't want to leave at all but I made it clear I couldn't tolerate what was going on.

I was very sad for a few weeks but after that, I must admit I just got on with it (as you do). He's been gone for around 2 months now.

In the time he was gone, I have had a major health scare and he has been supportive. I have to go to hospital and have an operation and he is driving me there and looking after me afterwards. BUT he has barely called me otherwise, and barely seen me. I think in the first 6 weeks, he saw me about 4 times.

He asked to come round last night. Said he wants a second chance and wants me to let him try and prove that I am the one for him because that is how he feels. I am not convinced. He said the reason he went off the rails was because there are issues with his son and he blames himself because his ex-w blames dp for divorcing her and blames dp for not being there to help her with the son and it just all hit him and he couldn't cope (the part about issues with the son is true as I'm aware of them).

I don't have anything to lose giving him a second chance but there is something about the whole story that I don't fully believe. I know his ex girlfriends have been calling a lot because even when he was here, his phone flashed up with calls. Half of me thinks he could not find anyone else to 'have' him so he's decided I'm the one for him though I am a cynic .

Cherchez la femme. He's playing you off against each other and can't decide who he wants.

Take back control and dump him!

Clearly he can't find anyone else who's mug enough to take him on.

If an adult goes off the rails over issues with this son he's either stupid or weak or both.

Ridiculous.

Surely you can find a responsible adult to go out with?

oh I'm sure I could

In my mind, we have broken up so he is having to beg me to give him another chance.

tbh, it was all a bit strange. He was ok for the first 2 years and it was like something clicked and he suddenly couldn't cope with life. I didn't immediately kick him out - I tried to talk to him but he just became totally uncommunicative.

But tbh, I am a firm believer in people not changing (we're both in our 40s) so who's to say he won't react the same way again and I can't be doing with it!

"I don't have anything to lose giving him a second chance but there is something about the whole story that I don't fully believe. I know his ex girlfriends have been calling a lot because even when he was here, his phone flashed up with calls. Half of me thinks he could not find anyone else to 'have' him so he's decided I'm the one for him though I am a cynic grin."

You've plenty to lose! How about your self-respect for starters?

He's not the man for you. Follow your gut instinct and ditch the bastard!

He sounds like a plonker. Sorry.

You have plenty to lose - as well as self respect, there's also respect from your children; they have no choice in who their mum brings into (and out of) their lives....it's not a revolving door for this man...

Hi OP,

It does sound like a classic case of his head being turned. I am sure he won't ever admit this to you, it doesn't even appear as if there was a huge turnaround and he desperately wants/needs you. Its as if ,ah well, suppose being with you is better than nothing.
Only thing is, do you really need this in your life?
Sometimes being on your own is being than being settled for. If he comes back, whats to say he will go back to his old tricks ie. coming home late, when he gets bored again.
Reason, I say there was someone else was during the 6 weeks you were apart he barely contacted you, he had his mind on someone else.. For whatever reason, he wants to come home, take your time on this one.

sounds like he's been off having himself a bit of fun and is now hoping he can get back his cook, cleaner and general home comforts.

to answer your question, no, I wouldn't if I were you.

Really up to you, bit concerned that even when ill he wasn't that great either, what's going to change really?

Sounds like a knob tbh, I wouldn't bother with him any further.

thanks - when I said second chance, I didn't mean moving back in. I wouldn't subject the children to that until I was sure (and I'm not sure).

I would like to believe I'm his 'one' but there are too many things that show me I'm not. He's one of those who can talk the talk but not walk the walk!

Thanks for all your opinions

Think you always have to go with your gut instincts.

I wouldn't.

Why on earth do you wish for him to be the one? He sounds a right arse!

So what are you going to do op?

Please, please do not give him a second chance

It is clear, imho, that you are in the "good enough for now" position. Yeah, right, you are the one: the one for right now.
Don't be on call for purposes to service him when he can't talk anyone else into doing it. Sorry if that sounds rude; but it is rude...And he treated you like that before you made him move out (well done on that, btw).

Perhaps a STI check is in order.

This is history you do not need to repeat. Just no.