Am I right to feel a bit guilty?

[BirdsOfFoo]

Brief back story:
Been with DH (not married) for 11 years. Bit of a on off start but settled down, moved in had ds (7yo).
i moved into his flat to start - we hit financial trouble, couldn't afford to step up the ladder so eventually managed to get a HA flat and he sold his flat.
The money paid off debts and bought furniture/decorated new place.
No money left.

Roll on a few years and things have been fine , we have our ups and downs like any couple but muddled along...until Nov.

I wanted to go out for a reunion with some old friends - we had arranged to have dinner at someone's house. I asked if he would mind having ds, he kicked up a fuss and said no. I haven't been out on my own since having ds, not because of him but I have had confidence/anxiety problems.

I took ds with me in the end, had a great time and got home at 1pm.
Cue first major argument where he said he thought I had changed recently (I had, I wanted to be more sociable and not hide away) .
I realized that he didn't trust me after all this time and cracks started.

He slipped a disk in his neck and has been off work for months, just had his op and due to go back to work next week.
He has been off since Oct.
He has done nothing since then bar sit on the sofa watching netflix or playing on his phone, all my sympathy ran out months ago...in Jan I was put on anti-depressants by my doc.
His daily routine is: Get up at 1pm - sit on sofa - do the washing up - sit back down - bed 3-5am.
No school runs unless I need him to help me out , no cooking, barely any cleaning....
He might not be capable of running around the block but he was certainly able to do more than he did.

I have wanted out for months I think. I have grown apart from him.
We used to have a laugh, decent sex life, enjoy each others company but now none of that applies anymore.

I held off because he wasn't 'himself' - in pain, waiting for the op - not wanting to kick a man while hes down...

Today, shit kicked off - I want out.
We had a tiff and I just want him gone. I want to start again BUT I feel guilty.
He is older than me and gave up everything for our flat - the flat is in my name only, I am main carer for ds so I am assuming I have rights there. He has nothing.
Money is shit, he has nothing anyway as he's been off work. No where really for him to go (if hes desperate he has!)
I don't want this to carry on for much longer but I just feel awful for him...should I? Most people his age are settled with a bit of back up...

I am 27, still young enough to hit rock bottom(not far off I don't think tbh) and bounce back - it doesn't matter if I have nothing because I'm ok iykwim?

As it stands he went out earlier at some point and hasn't yet been back....

I don't want him here.
I want some space, I feel like I'm being pushed until I give up

Don't feel guilty. He is not your problem, no matter how loudly he tells you that he is.

And do email his mum about the money. And call the police from the toilet if you have to.

Has he agreed to leave?

You need to calmly explain that as the flat is in your name only, he has no legal right to remain.

Then decide how you want him to leave (when, what will happen to his belongings, how you will communicate about DS) and explain that to him.

Finally, ring Women's Aid to see if they have any extra advice for keeping you safe as he leaves.

What was that line someone on here said - it went through all the stages that someone will go through and ended in "Cry"?

his words 'I'm staying until you pay mum back and sell the horse '

Contact his mum and ask her to speak to him? Any money owing is between you and his mum, nothing to do with him.

Agree with who nicked...report the threat against the horse. That's worrying. Do you feel he could turn at all violent? Any threats at all against your person you need to report. Don't be surprised if he threatens suicide either. If he does, call 101 and let them deal with it.

You can also call 101 if he won't leave the house when you have asked him to. He has no right to be there.

he's locked me out. police on the way

Foo,
I don't have any advice but wanted you to know that there is someone reading this and hopefully there will be people along soon who can give you more practical guidance than me.
If he's locked you out of your house you have done the correct thing in calling the police.
Don't let anxiety and panic get the better of you in this situation. I know it's easier said than done. Stay as calm as you can for as long as you can and please keep yourself safe.

When the police arrive, tell them the flat is in your sole name, you're splitting up and you want him gone.

Hope you did what twinkle said

well he's gone.

packed up most of his stuff and went with the police.

came back at 4.30 with his mum.
apparently he was suicidal this morning.
he told me he wants to work it out, he still loves me.
D's was in teats and said he was angry although has calmed down now.

I have been physically sick, tried not to break down in front on ds.

he's in my bed tonight. I am shattered.

forgive my grammer, on phone and cba with caps.

hang in there, you've got the main thing out of the way - him. tomorrow, when you feel calm and are ready, you can speak with his mum and agree on arrangements to pay her back what you owe her - and you needn't sell the horse to do so.

if he keeps on trying his manipulative shit with you - insist he only communicates with you via text or email - that way you can keep the conversation re your son to a minimum and ignore everything else.

i know you're feeling guilty etc but DON'T - each time you do just remind yourself how he not only didn;t feel guilty about not helping you out with anything around the house or with your son but he was also nasty and immature when told it was over. he actually locked you out of your home forcing you to involve the police - where was his concern for how that would impact on his son??