i'm not sure i'm being ok here...

[theUrbanDryad]

sorry for the ambiguous thread title....

ok - here's the situation....i have a very good friend (let's call her J) who i have known for about 2.5 years. she has really been there for me in some horrible situations, and vice versa.

however, recently, at my wedding, she got to know a few of my older friends, like my "best friend", how i hate that term, who i've known since we were 3 and another friend i've known for 10 years. also my dh's best man. J has been in regular contact with this people over MSN and Myspace and txt and told me today that she got off with my "best friend" on friday night. also, that DH's best man sent her a picture of his "personal effects" (why do men do this??) last night.

i'm feeling a bit let down. i know it's none of my business what she does or what these other people do, but i feel like she's muscling in on "my" friends, and i hate feeling like this because it's totally irrational.

please help! this is making me really miserable....

what do you think you can do about it?

why do you feel let down? if they are two unattached adults..why can; they get together? are you scared she will no longer have time for you if she has an exciting new relationship?

LOL at personal effects though?? why indeed??

how else do you meet people if you are single, if not through friends?

why miserable?

((((hugs))))) though ! sorry you are feeling crap...

This isn't two unattached people, it's three, isn't it? The best friend and the best man are two separate people.

Rationally there's no reason why you should be put out but I can understand your feelings as well. Particularly since she seems to be establishing a bit of a pattern i.e. not one but two of your friends.

I think you'll have to try and let the rational part of your brain win over here - what could you possibly say "you can't be friends with my friends directly, only through me"!

Ohhhh God, UD, I think it might be PG hormones because I would feel abit wierd about this too.

Roll on january eh??...maybe we're get back to thinking rationally then.

i don't really have a problem with it...well i'm trying very hard not to anyway!!

here's the latest: i've been on MSN chatting with M (dh's best man) and J and have told them to keep me out of any problems they might have between them. now J has said "well at least i know where your loyalties lie" and is in a strop with me! because M sent her a picture of his knob!!! i don't need this right now!!!

i am confused!!

m sent j a pic of his knob ....but j got off with the best friend..

is she stringing them both along??
a pic of a knob is not dating is it? nor is getting off?
is she just having a laugh with them..or having a relationship with the best friend..if so..getting a pic of someone else's knob is not great..
but that is between the 3 of them, no?

or am i missing the point...sorry..been a long day

no -it's cool, it's a very confusing situation. here it is in hopefully a slightly easier to follow format:

1. J was a close a friend.
2. DH and i got married about 7 weeks ago.
3. At our wedding, J met my best friend (who shall be henceforth known as G) and M, DH's best man. Also a close friend of mine, D.
4. J has had D and G round to her house for dinner on friday. She got off with G and then told me, which was something i'd really rather not have known, especially since my relationship with G is something like a brother.
5. J and M have been in contact over MSN and txt and last night M (very drunk) sent J a picture of his knob. (??!!!???)
6. I have basically told the pair of them to leave me and DH out of it, and sort it out for themselves.
7. Now J is in a strop with me because she thinks i've sided with M.

confused? i bloody well am!!!

i'm also with J because she has brought all this misery down on herself, along with the fact that she's now not talking to me (one of her only friends) and somehow thinks it's my fault!! argh!!!!!

that is a bit clearer...sounds like she is revelling in the male attention....and whatever your take on the situaton....the fact you are newly married and pregnant.,.she will think you are being a'smug married' regardless.....

it is a thankless task getting involved with friends love lives...they need to sort it out themselves!!

you need to concentrate on you and baby and your new hubby

if she wants to string two men along because it makes her feel good..not a whole lot you can do about it...i',m sure when it goes tits up , she will expect your unequivocal support!!

well this is it lulu - it has gone tits-up and she IS expecting my unequivocal support. i've told her to sort it out herself. now she's in a strop.

sorry urban...am having a looooong day...

she needs to get over this dalliance...and not mess around with two blokes at a time...hard for you being in the middle...need to stress you can;t be involved and take sides as you are friends with everyone and don;t want to be forced into a corner with this....

how long has it all been going on..was it casual..does she need hand holding or a metaphorical slap???

she needs a non-metaphorical slap if you ask me!!

but i've told her not to involve me.

hey ho....see you in the bar lulu

It all sounds very complicated and tiresome, and definitely not what you need as a newly-wed and mum-to-be. Does she (J) see it as misery? (You've said 'brought this misery down her head') - if she does, my advice would be "don't flirt with people on MSN to the point where they photograph their genitalia and send it to you" - it doesn't sound like she feels this bloke is harrassing her or anything?

If you want a diplomatic solution, you could possibly laughingly say you can't keep up with it all due to placenta brain but you hope she enjoys her freedom. If she's really not speaking to you, let her stew, you have other things to worry about.