Financial abuse - help me see what is right and what's not

[Darcey2105]

I am trying to leave my abusive husband. Things escalated over the last few months, the police and woman's aid have been involved, now I'm step by step going through the process with a solicitor to divorce him.

We are still living together as no way will he move out our house.

I stopped full time work a year ago and we have two young dc who are toddlers.

I've been trying to work 3 hours a week locally, but H has been causing massive problems with this since the start. By not paying childcare.

H works in the city and earns several thousand pounds a month. I earn £50 a week during term time. Our 2 DC's nursery bill comes to more than I earn, but H forces me to pay it, out of my overdraft. As he says if I'm going to work I need to pay for it.

I tried to argue they are his children too etc. But he says his salary pays for everything else, and the least I can do is cover the cost of me working.

It is obviously stressful as I have no money in my account, while he is rolling in thousands of pounds. I plan to be living separately from him soon, he knows this, which is why he is making sure my personal account remains empty or overdrawn.

Is he right I should pay childcare? What would you advise I do?

Morally you are completely in the right, however from a practical point of view I don't really see what you can do to force him to pay.

Are you not entitled to childcare vouchers?

Can you get a job at evenings and weekends ad leave him with the DC's? No childcare needed then.

Can you give the accounts woman his telephone number to settle the bill?

Similarly keep all evidence of his greedy ways. I'm sure a judge won't take kindly to your husbands greed.

What a horrible man. Please make sure you do get away from him.

Well, it would be good if he did, but you know he's an abusive arse and unfortunately you can't make him pay. I would concentrate on getting the solicitor on the case and getting shot of him. Have you looked into any benefits you will be entitled to once you are separated?

He is obviously trying to make your life as difficult as possible. I would start looking for more hours and let him sort the kids out while he is there. Are you getting legal advice?

Agree with others. He is being beyond unreasonable, verging on evil. It's so good to hear you are divorcing this human dross. I don't have any practical advice but might it be helpful to keep a record of this as reference of his unreasonable behaviour in the divorce process.

All invome is household income and pays for all the bills and then the disposable income is shared between us so we have equal spending power, regardless of who earns what.

We both have separate current accounts do no need to explain/justify/discuss what we spend our own money on and no arguments about money.

Anything else wouldn't be normal or fair in our eyes.

As they are in the process of divorcing, its "all my money except for basic living expenses" I'm pretty sure that's his mantra now.

I hope you try to include partial childcare expenses ad part of maitenance.