No sex for a while now

[Moominmamma86]

I am in what I would describe as a loving relationship with DP. We've been together four years and have a two year old DS, but the problem is that ever since I was pregnant really our sex life has almost totally disppeared. It's now been several months since we did it and I'm quite worried. We do talk about it and keep saying we need to get back on track but it feels like a duty rather than something we necessarily want to do which is sad! I would love to have a fulfilling sex life again but not sure how to get it started again. The longer we leave it the more anxious-making it is and the less I feel like it. My DP definitely has a low sex drive and I'm tired all the time, plus I do wonder if I really fancy him anymore ... I love him but the spark has really gone despite us being very close and affectionate the majority of the time.
Not sure what to do about it...

fake it til you make it? both of you, decide that tonight is the night - just do it.

So you don't have mismatched sex drives? Are you or your DP feeling you want more, or do you think that you should be having more because that's what others would think?

I'm not sure, Spell99. I definitely feel we should have sex more often than once every few months. I used to have a healthy sex drive and really enjoy it but for various reasons it has faded away to nothing. It may be because I am on antidepressants (quite a low dose though). I'm not sure why DP doesn't show more interest though, part of the problem for me is that I don't feel sexy because I don't get that from him.

there is a thought that goes ...

' women need to feel loved and wanted and cherished to have sex and men have to have sex to feel loved and wanted and cherished'

not sure i totally agree all the time, however the point is ...your DH isnt making you feel desired and loved and therefore you dont feel like sex and you not feeling like sex probably comes across to him that you dont love him or desire him anymore.

This is two peoples problem and what i am going to suggest goes against the principles of two people sorting it out together...but one of you has to take the initiative and frankly it is likely to be you.

Just do it...tonight....it doesnt have to be earth shattering...but just do it.

I am sure people will come on and give advice about rebuilding intimacy, giving massages, lighting candles, date nights etc etc but none worked for me when in similar situation...felt contrived and false and huge pressure.

Often having sex makes us want it more so by almost making yourself for a few times in next few weeks you may find re-stokes the fire so to speak .

I went through similar but in my case my exdh just decided we were having a celibate marriage , no discussion ...nothing ! It came on back of years of very very dwindling sex life and i remember the pressure of it...thinking ' oh i have really got to do it tonight and the longer it went on the harder it got.

So give it a go and if you dont 'make it ' after 'faking it' well you know you tried

Similar boat here, except hubby took anabolic steroids so his natural testosterone has gone south abit, he struggles to keep a you know what. So that for me makes me feel crap! He also depressed part of the withdrawal! His own fault and we split for three months cause he's a dick on gear!
I want our marriage to work so atm I'm trying to fake it till we make it, as I know we had a great friendship and was happy.
I dresses up the last week and sent him a pic of my blown up backside in a Lacey skirt.

Let's say he rushed home and said "what's gotten into you?" It worked amd I felt great!

He still having low days but I think that's down to his test being low?

I'm trying, and I felt sexy getting ready whilst he went to the gym.
I ran myself a big bubble bath, glass of wine, Corrie propt up on the iPad ontop of the look got dressed up did my make up. He had a big smile on his face.

It's not perfect here but I will keep it going. Mine needs to know the sparks still there as he's questioned our marriage and his feelings but I think it's the big D talking?

Try it?

Sorry for spelling mistakes I'm on the iPad with predictive text!!!

agree with pp. the more you have the more you want , sadly it's only to easy to fall into the habit of 'being too tired ' leading to one feeling rejected and then after a few rejections too sad to face another and so give up. The only solution is to get on and do it . Take a deep breath OP and go for it , you never no you might enjoy it

Of course I meant ' you never know ' not 'no'.

Antis are fairly well known for causing a drop in libido, so that might be playing a part.