Has anyone who has been the victim of EA done anything official about it?

[greenberet]

just this really - I understand this comes under the heading of domestic violence - I am going through a nasty divorce and the X has just upped his game and exerting more financial and emotional control and manipulation over me.

I have previously spoken to Womens Aid I have been having counselling and on ADs for the last 15 years. There seems to be no recognition of this in the court process after adultery has been committed and the effects on me and the kids seems to go unrecognised.

just wondered if anyone has taken this further - as I feel that the psychological damage being done to me at the moment is the same as being constantly kicked in the face!

Sorry you're going through this. I'm going through something similar so will be watching with interest. I'm going to a solicitor today, because he will not leave me alone. I still feel bullied and abused even though he's out of my house. He is still trying to control me.

I agree that the constant psychological assaults are like being actually kicked in the face over and over.

and for you op. I hope someone comes along with advice soon.

How does he have financial control over you? is he paying cm? do you live apart?

You're right to feel under assault, because you are. How you choose to stand your ground and/or fight back is down to you.

Personally, I just got a SHL who understood and specialised in family abuse. I did choose to divorce the "easy" way (legal separation for the required period of time), rather than the "hard" way of attempting to prove his abuse in the courts, because at that time I felt it would be better for my mental health to do it that way. And I don't regret that choice.

But having a lawyer who was expecting his tricks at every turn, and prepared for them, and not prepared to take any shit, really really helped. Also, you say you feel under psychological assault. I have to say that once I handed over the reins to my lawyer, I felt freed: she dealt with all his correspondance on divorce matters. It was bliss.

Your number one job right now is to take care of yourself. Through whatever means make the most sense for you.

There are usually ways and means around things, get CSA to del with cm, get a solicitor and forward all correspondence to them to deal with. change your phone number if he persistently rings/txts you. tell him all correspondence must be in writing. if hes harassing you-a restraining order.
difficult to advise without knowing how hes manipulating/controlling you.

Hi Thanks for the replies - i have a solicitor doing the legal bit - financial situation is not straightforward but the company that we own jointly is suddenly not doing as well as it was and My sol is questioning the manipulation too now.

I am thinking more along the lines of making this a civil case against him and just wondered if anyone has gone down this route - there is so much of this around and why they should get away with it just because there are no visible signs needs to be addressed -

Do it if it feels right for you.

I chose NOT to do something like that, because I calculated that I had enough on my plate, and also that proving abuse in court would be super-difficult, and I ran the risk of feel re-victimized if a court declared him not abusive. Like it might dismantle all the hard work I was doing already making myself accept it as abuse, iyswim.

My lawyer did get the judge to see a lot of my ex's behaviour during the divorce process itself as vexatious (which it was), and that certainly felt satisfying.

You are the best judge of what is the right action for you to take.