Not sure how to make family life work

[Isthisgoingtowork]

Hi everyone

I've nc as this is all quite personal.

DH works full time with long hours and lots of travel. I work 80% in a senior role which is quite stressful. We have two DC ages 2.9 and 1.1.

Basically I'm finding life very stressful at the moment. Because of DH hours, I'm doing all of the childcare during the week including nursery drop off (he will come along if home) rushing home for nursery pick up, meals, bedtime and preparing everything for the next day.

Then I do the nights as DC2 still wakes up to feed 1-2 a night. And on nights that DC1 wakes up she wants me rather than DH.

In DH defence he does try to help as much as he can outside working hours, but he is away from home so much. I'm starting to feel both exhausted as well as a little resentful as it feels like my job/career comes second, which in a way I'm happy with in the sense that I want to spend time with the DC but I want him to do the same!

We get very little time to talk as by the time DH gets home it is late and we are tired. He is in the guest room as there is no point him waking up as well when I look after DC2.

Thank you for reading this far. Not sure what I am asking other than maybe ideas from others that have been in the same position. Do I just need to plough through and stop feeling sorry for myself? I know how lucky we are to have two healthy DC and no financial worries. And maybe having DCs this age is just always going to be tough.

Any ideas welcome though x

I've bitten the bullet and contacted someone who might be able to help with the afternoons. Fingers crossed it will work out. I'll be focused on making sure I don't spend less time with the children, but more relaxed/quality time.

Thank you everyone for your advice.

You could be me OP. We bit the bullet and got a (live out) nanny. I felt I was hanging onto my career and relationship by a shoestring. It was a hard choice as DC1 really benefitted and loved nursery. We got the nanny when the free hours kicked in, so DC1 had a couple of days at nursery, two with nanny, one with me. Having a nanny meant I could do 5 days in 4 and have a day with the kids which I love. DC1 is just 1, he bonded very quickly with the nanny and she takes him to groups everyday. Now DC1 has started school, I honestly don't know what other option we could have other than one of us, probably me, giving up work. I'm in a senior role too and working 10 - 2 to fit in a commute and pickup is not an option. Having a nanny had other perks I never expected, a couple of mornings a week me and DH walk to the station together, not something we've done in 5 years! Think about it. It actually worked out roughly the same as nursery + wraparound care + holiday club and has made a huge difference to our life's.

I am just coming out the other side of those ages. I would def get a nanny and get someone very qualified. They are all expensive so get the best.

As for your DH I had similiar problems. His assistant was the one who started blocking out time in his day for him to spend with family. I also told my MIL that she had failed after I snapped once. I had about 3 hours of sleep over 4 nights. MIL was furious and gave DH an earful.