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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

AIBU

15 replies

Aarrrgggghhhhh · 30/05/2015 09:40

Hi I would like some advice please.
So let's start sorry if it's long.

My partner (P) has a habit of going out and staying out for hours on end or sometimes not even showing up until the next morning. He'll say I'm nipping to the shop, gym etc.
This has really come to a head over the last 8 or so month. I had a baby 4 month ago and he done this a lot while I was pregnant, he done it the night before I was due to be induced bearing in mind when I try to ring he doesn't answer his phone.
So I've tried to break off the relationship many times because he's really wore me down and I'm sick of it. He's also been quite protective of his phone recently so I ceased my chance on Thursday when he left his phone in the house. I looked on the his internet search history and found porn websites ( I'm not really bothered about that) but there was a website called 18 and abused, fuckbook and a London escort agency ( we don't live in London). When I confronted him he said he went on pornhub and all these websites were just pop ups and he never clicked on them. So I was inclined to believe him.
So he stays out again yesterday until 2.45 this morning, when he gets up i tell him I want him to leave I'm sick of him, it's a case of out of sight out of mind with him. He then starts banging about upstairs and breaks a child's plastic chair saying he feels like knocking my teeth out and it's all my fault and he feels like he's in an abusive relationship because I say that I want him gone and me and the kids will be better without him ( he calls this me spouting my vile) and I said I don't love him anymore.
I feel so stupid reading this back please put things into perspective for me am I really abusive to him or am I extremely naive to believe what he said about those websites.
P.s. He can be a fabulous partner and father I'm just not prepared to put up with his behaviour.

OP posts:
thecolourpink · 30/05/2015 09:48

No you are not being unreasonable. Whats he doing when he goes out for hours on end? He sounds like an EA. He completely twisted what you said and turned it all back on you! I think you're doing the right thing by trying to end the relationship. Just be strong and stick to your guns.

SuckMySquallop · 30/05/2015 09:50

He sounds like a cunt. LTB.

JeanSeberg · 30/05/2015 09:58

He can be a fabulous partner and father

He really can't.

As for visiting 18 and abused sites, why are you having kids with this person?

ALaughAMinute · 30/05/2015 10:00

You seriously need to get rid of the bastard!

Get legal advice.

Have you got any family or friends that can help you?

Aarrrgggghhhhh · 30/05/2015 10:08

Thanks for the advice everyone

JeanSeberg the kids came before I found out about this site.
thecolourpink he's drinking and most likely taking drugs he swears he's not cheating.
ALaughAMinute I don't really need help but I know I can get it if I really need it. when I went for my induction I wasn't going to let him come and my mother said ' if you go by yourself the midwife will ring social services because they'll think you can't cope ' so I don't want that kind of advice.

OP posts:
Aarrrgggghhhhh · 30/05/2015 10:10

Also can the websites just pop up or do you need to click on them?

OP posts:
AlternativeTentacles · 30/05/2015 10:12

What is the house situation? Can you just kick the fucker out and change the locks?

I don't think your mother is being very helpful in all honesty. Of course SS won't be called if you go to have a baby on your own.

Wheelerdeeler · 30/05/2015 10:12

He's not a fabulous partner and father. Get rid.

AlternativeTentacles · 30/05/2015 10:13

I wouldn't worry right now about the websites. He is abusive without knowing the ins and outs of how they work.

Aarrrgggghhhhh · 30/05/2015 10:16

No she wasn't very helpful don't worry I told her 'your serious deluded if you expect me to believe that'.
I can easily kick him out and he doesn't have a key because he would always lose them.

OP posts:
AlternativeTentacles · 30/05/2015 10:18

Go for it.

Aarrrgggghhhhh · 30/05/2015 10:23

He also said I owe him an apology when he proves he never went on those websites.

OP posts:
mommyof23kids · 30/05/2015 10:49

I go on pornhub sometimes, their porn can be fun. NEVER had a popup.

AlternativeTentacles · 30/05/2015 10:58

He also said I owe him an apology when he proves he never went on those websites

Who cares? Seriously. You need to worry about the titanic going down, not about where the deckchairs are sitting.

iamlionesshearmeroar · 30/05/2015 11:07

If the sites are in his browser history he's clicked on them. Pop-ups may pop-up (obvs!) but you need to click them to record a visit, which is exactly what the history is - a black and white record of all the sites he's been on. How exactly will he prove he's not been on them? He's deluded if he thinks you'll swallow that bullshit.

You sound far too good for him OP.

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