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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

"Getting over" him and triggers

3 replies

Wispas · 29/05/2015 23:46

My "relationship" has been over for a long time. Long story - short version was I was "lied to" by a MM who told me he was separated. Stayed at his house. Met his friends etc. Turns out he was "pseudo-separated" and they reconciled. When I discovered I ended it cold hard immediately. Was the hardest thing I've ever done as I had seriously fallen hard.

I've been no contact with him for approaching a year - our no contact annivesary is coming up. I still love him and miss him; I'm probably a bit fantasy obsessed about what might have been. I've done a bit of dating but not met anyone I've fallen for or even really like. I still think about him every day but most of the time, I'm OK. In that time, he's tried repeatedly to get me to respond to him - texts, emails, calls but over time they wained - to once every month to couple of months or so.

Today I had a call from a number I didn't recognise but the last 3 digits matched his (I don't have his number anymore but I remembered the last digits). I didn't answer and person left a message - turns out was a work client and not him.

It's thrown me into a tail spin and I've thought about him all day. No idea why this triggered me so badly but have a massive urge to call him or see him. Keep thinking of his voice, smile, eyes, touch etc. I'm not going to as I'd rather walk over hot coals - but badly want to understand why this one call should have had such a deep effect. I want to move on with my life and thought I was slowly progressing but this today makes me feel I'm stuck in a mire. I feel like I've travelled backwards a hundred steps.

Why would this be? Is there anything I can do? Why would this have triggered me emotionally so strongly?

OP posts:
Hestheone · 29/05/2015 23:58

I think you've answered this yourself,it's the what could have been that keeps you hanging on.
I'm not saying this in any way blasé,but from someone who's been through this for seven years and is only now coming to the conclusion that he didn't love me like I loved him......let him go.

Start dating again,socialise with friends more,find a new hobby etc,because it's obvious he's only thinking about you very very rarely,probably because he's bored.you deserve so much better than that.

Wispas · 30/05/2015 10:36

I don't know Hestheone. I didn't fell like I was hanging on at all. I was focussing on my life. I surely know that he didn't love me at all and I was much more emotionally involved when he wasn't at all.

I am socialising with friends, dating etc. I want to know why a random event has triggered me so emotionally this far on.... no idea.

OP posts:
wonderingsoul · 30/05/2015 10:52

I dont think there's an answer, it happens all the time with things, for me any way, a song that iv heard can remind me of a lost friend but I don't allways connect the two every time.
id say it was not knowing who called trying to work out and then rembering the last numbers. nothing more, and it's understandable your bound to be hurt still.

take it easy on yourself and know yoi will find some one you love and some one who is worthy of you.

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