Splitting up, what happens to the puppy?

[Daniella195]

Things have been going wrong with my partner for a while and I want to call it a day. I wrote a thread on this yesterday but this is a different issue. Bit of background, were both female I'm 20 she's 28, and this is one of many many problems.

My partner always said she wanted another dog to give her dog some company while she was out and because I had good working hours and so did she it seemed an ideal time to get one. While out she fell in love with a shiba inu, which is a smaller version of the dog she has now. So she asked my opinion I said it would be a good time and would share the responsibility of this puppy because it would be really hard work on her own. We had been living together for 2 months at this point.

This is where issues have started, she paid for the puppy herself however I was paying for half of her food bet bills etc while we were together.

Now were splitting up she's saying she got the puppy more for my benefit because I like puppies?Which isn't true! Of course I like puppies and said I would help with this puppy but when it comes down to it she says the puppy is half mine only when it suits her. For example of I want to go home to see my family says the dog is half mine and I can't be gone for longer than a night. But then dog isn't half mine when she's kicking me out.

She clearly got this dog because it's a minature of her current dog, I always wanted a pug! So she's asking for half of the vet bills, food for the rest of the dogs life. And I really can't imagine anything worse than having to be in contact forever and giving money for a dog I won't be seeing.

I've said I'm happy to take her full time, will give her the full cost she paid and from there on will pay for everything myself, I know she has an attachment to this dog but I don't want to alternate weeks looking after the puppy I just want this to be sorted. I really feel like she uses this puppy to control me, like I offered to take the puppy home with me while I visited family and she said no that's not okay(because she didn't want me to be gone for more than one night) and then when we split
Up tells me to take the puppy home because she doesn't want to get up every morning with her! It's double standards.

I was the one left holding the puppy by irresponsible bf recently too. I was paying all food/insurance/vet/toys/overnight care while he lived with me despite him being a present for BF. BF had said he was moving into a home suitable for the dog around 2 months after we got him. Puppy is now 14 months old and he still hasn't moved. I bought the dog so I took responsibility.

He is moving on 1st June and then dog will be entirely his responsibility. No going back and forth no sharing costs etc.

We were not married and a dog is not a dc. The person caring for the dog pays and the person who is the owner is the person caring for the dog.

Offer to take the dog but no contact, or she keeps the dog (and obviously still no contact).

I don't think either of you should really have a dog, given the circumstances you have described. But as the poor mutt exists you need to be grown up (both of you) about it. I must say, you seem more likely to give the dog a decent life but I gather you're moving in with family so it may not be possible to take it?

Legally it is currently hers.

If you do end up with it make sure you register the chip to you and get it logged at a vet's in your name. Then, if you can't cope with it, look for a charity that will help you rehome it. We foster dogs and the charity we do it for is brilliant, they have great foster homes, the dogs are really cared for, and they match them very carefully with new homes, so you wouldn't need to worry. And if you've rehomed it there's no way she can go on to have contact anyway.

I think dog or no dog, you need to get away from this strange person and have some fun.

Ugh, when I was in my twenties I had a bunch of relationships with wackadoodles like your GF. Luckily I met my well-adjusted husband at 27.

Please be very careful when you start dating again because it seems like you don't really have a good sense of what is reasonable behavior, and what is not, in a partner.

I don't mean to sound harsh when I say that, but I was the same at your age, and I went through nearly ten years of painful relationships with lousy partners before I wised up.

Why on earth are you even responding to this? It's a dog. She bought the dog, she owns the dog, she keeps the dog. The end.

When me and my ex split the cats came with me, and I was responsible for them. But then we have a child together, and perhaps ones priorities change when there are actual children in the equation.

Walk away. There are lots of nice dogs in the world should you ever want one. She sounds barking mad to suggest all this.

If she persists ignore then tell her to see a lawyer. Yes,myes to changing your number.

From previous cases that went to court over cats/dogs being stolen or lost, the owner is the person whose name is on the microchip. So I ask again, is the puppy chipped and if so, under whose name?

I would try to keep it simple, don't discuss the dog until you have all your things out of the house, and then give her the option to keep the dog or let you take it but make it clear there won't be future contact and whoever gets the dog gets all the vet and food bills.

Having said that, she seems like a proper nutter that will be contacting you in the excuse of seeing the dog, so I would be more tempted to leave the dog with her.

Just remember, it is a dog, not a kid. The three of you will get over not seeing each other.

Actually legally the microchip only indicates the registered keeper (like a car) not the owner. Ownership is much more about daily care, financial investment etc. so the microchip probably doesn't matter much. It will simply be that in many cases the keeper also fulfils the requirements of the owner

Many of my lesbian friends have this ethic about staying in touch/remaining pals with their exes. I think you should strictly avoid this with your GF. Stay away and don't send any $ her way!

Make it clear to her: You want a clean break and no strings attached. Therefore:

If she keeps the puppy, she pays for everything the puppy needs, including vets bills.

Or you keep the puppy, and she gives up all rights to it.

I haven't seen your other thread, but it does sound to be more about keeping some sort of control over you. If I were you, I'd walk away and leave the puppy, heartwrenching as that may well be. When she demands "maintenance", just ignore. Or laugh.

Sorry slow reply, the dog is chipped under her name. And I think it's best the dog stays with her, I love the dog and she would be happy with either of us but if I take responsibility it's only an excuse for her to have input on my life. Thanks for all of the comments, good to see I'm not being unreasonable about this!

There you go - decision made!

I wish you well as you RUN - RUN - RUN from this controlling relationship.

Don't look back - and don't even seek out information about the puppy. Block your partner from phone, facebook and whatever else she could stalk you by.

This is your chance at having a new life and, once you've emotionally healed, you will be ready to love again.

Leave her with the dog and tell her to do one regarding the money. You owe her nothing, it's her dog so she should pay for it. Then go and buy yourself a pug!

Pugs are so cute. I want this one.