Irrationally irritated

[piazilla]

My dh has for a long time been excessive when it comes to alcohol. I was the same when I was in my 20s, but we now have a 6 month old and my perspective and priorities have completely changed.
2 weeks ago he over did the booze again , woke up the baby in the middle of the night , told me I was holding him back in life, I was no fun etc etc. He apologized profusely the next day, however I suspect that was because he wanted to go on an overnight with old friends ( does this about 4 times a year). He went, but I was left with a teething and grumpy baby, and no idea of his whereabouts overnight. When he returned he was exhausted and no help with the baby thanks to his hangover.
Fast forward two weeks and he is making my skin crawl! I realise that I am fuming over his behaviour and am not over it. What's scaring me is that I have completely withdrawn emotionally - I would normally fight for an explanation or to try to come to a resolution. But I'm sure so sick about it all. He is useless with our son. I'm breastfeeding , and I'm working, so when I come home I need to feed and put the baby to bed. Dh doesn't have to do anything and I am resenting him for it.

Sorry posted too early...
Just feels like we are growing in completely different directions ... Has anyone come back from feeling like this? How can I resolve my anger towards him? Right now I just feel like hitting him in the face with something blunt

Why can't he bath and or bed baby and you feed the baby? Does he cook dinner whilst you look after his child.

My mother is here helping to mind baby during the day . I come home I go straight to baby. Baby won't do bedtime with anyone else as he feeds to sleep . By the time he comes home , I'm feeding baby, dinner is more or less done, and it's time for baby to be settled for the night within the hour!

Do you think he actually has a drink problem, you write he has been excessive when it comes to alcohol for a long time. The "off" switch is not there is it. Look closely at his friends, are they all drinkers like he is as well?. His family background may also provide clues, do any of his family of origin drink heavily?.

What is the longest period of time to your knowledge that he has not drunk alcohol?.

Apologies spoken are often empty ones. Do you really want to bring your child up in this type of atmosphere at all?.

You cannot resolve this on your own, he has to want to do so of his own accord and you cannot influence that. I am not at all surprised you are angry (you are now in the provoker role, you do not forget) and have withdrawn emotionally, anyone would have done so in such circumstances. Telling you that you are holding him back in life is insulting, well I would let him go now frankly. He does not deserve you at all.

I would seek support for your own self and getting legal advice; talking to Al-anon also would be a good start.

His family do drink socially, and yes, some are heavy drinkers but we are not living in the same country as them. His friends also drink, but not as heavily as him. He can go 5,6,7 months with very little alcohol. He is a binge drinker when he does drink and he does gets sloppy. At the moment that occurs every 2-3 months. However, it's been going on for years!
We went to al-anon a few years ago but it was very intense and felt a little like an church group if I'm honest, which really didn't speak to either of us. Apologies to anyone who found these groups helpful , each to their own!

Heavy drinking can also be learnt behaviour; he grew up with seeing that and it looks like the frequency of his excessive drinking has increased. This is a problem that you cannot solve by yourself. He has to want to address his binge drinking, you cannot do that for him.