Walk away?

[Danceintherain2015]

My ExH and I seperated 2 and a half years ago after he had an affair with a business client and has married her and just had a baby.

I divorced him last year and we went to court as he refused to employ a solicitor and court wanted to check I wasn't ' taking advantage of him' in the divorce settlement- hilarious as this was a man who cashed in his pension before announcing he wanted divorce so I couldn't make a claim on it ( oh and spent it all on himself and OW) he'd had all cash dealings due to own business - I know

Hohum, that's not even my problem- during the court hearing he was ordered to pay an amount of cash - a few £k he'd said he would pay to me - and the proceeds of insurance policy we had taken out for the children's university fees.

He's not paid a single penny since the hearing ( though paying some
pittance maintenance every month) so do I just drop it and assume I will never see a penny - I don't have much money and my contract ends in June when I may well be jobless and just write it off or do I keep fighting even though I know I may never see it - find it really hard to decide if I should just move on or fight the narcissist?

I would only walk away if I could afford to, or if it was hardly anything worth fighting over.

You say a few thousand but mention an insurance policy.....

I also didn't know you could break court orders without any comeback either. Surely the original order can be reinforced without any further cost to yourself?

I truly can't afford to Quitelikely! The whole lot is probably about £15k the smaller amount to me and the rest is supposed to be put into a joint account with both of us signatories on it - I don't think he has it TBH! I think he's spent it - last year he travelled to OWs country (think long haul ) 5 or 6 times!
My Solicitor wants £1.5k upfront to pursue it- which I just don't have!

Bump

Sorry can't be of much help, BUT my only advice would be don't ever pay a solicitor upfront. Have seen friends getting completely ripped off with nothing to show at the end of the day, and then of course having no comeback.

FWIW, I have a good and well respected solicitor, and have never had to pay money upfront.

Do any solicitors in your area take cases on the basis they'll recoup costs from the settlement - or at least offer a deferred payment arrangement?

Don't know Pocket- maybe look into that - I'm just at the stage where is rather spend that money on the kids than spend it chasing rainbows ! Thanks for letting me know - can look into that !

Do these sums form part of a consent order? If so, there's no need to employ a solicitor as you can report his failure to comply with the terms of the order to the Court and ask for it to be enforced.

The cost of the filing fees are c£100 which you will be awarded if he's found to be in breach. Should it go to a Hearing you're unlikely to encounter any problem representing yourself in such a straightforward matter - your claim is that he hasn't complied with the (consent?) order therefore the onus will be on him to submit proof to the Court that he's done what he was ordered to do.

However, before proceeding you're best advised to write him a letter stating that if he continues to fail to comply with the (consent?) order made on .....2014 in respect of (set out details of the terms he's failed to meet) you'll have no alternative but to apply to the Court to enforce it. Send it recorded delivery and keep 2 copies together with the Royal Mail receipt showing the tracking number - you'll be able to check when it was signed for/delivered online.

From what you've said, your ex bang is to rights and, as Courts do not look favourably on those who are in breach of orders, he could be in for an unwelcome surprise if he doesn't stump up

Is he currently in the UK or is he shacked up with OW at the other end of a long haul flight?

Hi didn't realise I could do it myself!
Yes part of consent order we did send him a letter stating just that - he replied he'd take ME to court to recoup 50% of costs to travel to see his kids EOW!!! I said ok see you in court - my sol said he's joking right ? ( clearly not!!)
He is very angry controllingand doesn't like the fact I'm standing up to him after 20 years!
He's here in the UK and has now brought her over here ( isolating her as he did me for so long - she predictably is 15 years younger and away from family and friends ... Been there!! She thinks she's won the prize- she hasn't

Would you be better asking for this thread to be moved to Legal?

There are some really helpful solicitors/barristers in that Mumsnet area who give great general advice for free. They outline the procedure and give links to forms etc. They can't advise on an individual case - but would give you the strategies and information you need.

The process is not much different to filing in the Small Claims Court and you don't need a strategy for a straightforward application to enforce the consent order..

First off, you need to give him an opportunity to comply with the order by sending him a polite but firm letter on the lines I've given (above) reminding him that he's failed to comply and pointing out that any application you are forced to make to the Court will include a claim that he should pay all the costs of enforcment.

If he doesn't pay the sum awarded to you and provide details of the joint account containing the proceeds of the insurance policy to which you will be co-signatory, you will need to obtain a Form D11 from the Court (I'll look for a download) which, if you are hand writing it, must be completed using black ink and capital letters throughout.

This particular form also serves for various other applications and may give you pause for thought as you work your way through it but, never fear, I can guide you.

Send the completed form to the Court with the relevant fee (it was £90 but may have increased by a modest amount - or could increase again on 1 July which is all the more reason to get the ball rolling sooner rather than later) a copy of the consent order, and a copy of the letter you sent him together with a screenshot of the RM tracking webpage showing it was delivered to his address and signed for on x date.

You'll be given the date for Hearing in due course; rock up on the appointed day (with a supportive friend if you wish) and sock it to 'im! In fact you won't need to do much talking other than to draw the Court's attention to the documents you have submitted and the fact that he's failed to comply with the consent order made on xxx2014.

(If it comes to this I would also suggest you send him a copy of the completed form a few days before you file it with the Court as it may serve to concentrate his mind and it could be he'll do the necessary before your application arrives - in which case your uncashed will be returned with good news.)

Providing your documents are in order - and there's no reason to suppose they won't be - you should emerge from the Hearing with an enormous smile on your face. Whether he emerges from the Hearing is another matter...

Possibly sadwidow it wasn't so much for the legal advice ( though that's also v useful) as the emotional - ie is it worth going through all the heartache and stress of court AGAIN to possibly end up back at square 1.

He is very good at twisting things and making himself look Mr Reasonable and when we went to court last year I really thought that was it , all tied up. However I don't know what made me think he was ever going to be reasonable about this and go without a fight.

It's more that advice I need . My partner tells me I should walk away as he sees how much it stresses me out , and worries about me. But part of me thinks it's my duty to prove he is not above the law ( even if he thinks he is). Maybe that's me being egotistical seeing myself as some kind of justice superhero!

Goddess now that WOULD put a smile on my face

You have received excellent advice here from Goddess - so there you go!

Keep this thread open in case you need further help. It is always good to post on the one thread if you can because background information is available for those who wish to help.

Best of luck Danceintherain

If he doesn't have any money a Charge could be made on any property so that the Charge must be paid if/when properly is sold.

No property in the mix- we sold a property a few years previously and I couldn't understand his reluctance to buy - clear now he was planning an escape route. We had been living outside the UK and his business was based abroad - it has been a long an messy process to get to this point ( where I thought it was all over) .
He is very angry with me as I didn't go quietly as he'd hoped and fought my corner - protecting the little assets I had ( my small pension). The cash amount he owes me is as he sold my car as " the business needed it" when in fact he was using it to visit OW in her country!

Thanks for the advice Lady/ Sadwidow !

I wouldn't walk away. Can you go to CMO for maintenance btw?

He does pay his Maintenance Twist he claims to only earn £150 a week and works for himself ( interesting as he has a huge house that I know the rental on and a car which he pays more for than his kids ( nice) however his maintaince is about £150 what I'd verify I went to them - expel he tells everyone he pays more than the CMO recommend ! I'm also worried if we go back he might have it reduced further now he has a new baby and a wife to support!

£1.50 not £150 - I wish!! ??

well he could be lying to you - his tax return may tell a different story, so I would go to CMO if I were you. Otherwise you are going to spend your life jumping through hoops in the hope he will deign to pay you what he sees fit. Much better if you take control and instruct them to deal with it for you.