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Original poster

Has passion passed me by??

16 replies

Allowmetoretort · 28/05/2015 19:59

I need your help Mumsnet jury, as I'm unsure of where I stand on this one.
Quick overview of my situation.
I'm early 40s, two DC, quite happy being single, though would be nice to have a relationship.
Romance is not a regular visitor to my life.

I've met a man, he's funny, intelligent, good conversationalist, no obvious red flags.
The time we've spent together has been good, don't get much time to myself so relaxing and chatting over a coffee has been nice.
All very low key, no pressure.

My question is, in a vague way is....
Is a relationship worth pursuing if you don't feel that 'gut' attraction??
I don't feel it with him, he doesn't move me, if that makes sense.
I know I'm answering my own question Grin but I'd appreciate any thoughts.

Is passion, not only sexual passion, a thing of my past ?
That's my vague question, it's not necessarily directed towards this guy. He just features ATM.

Thanks Smile

OP posts:
MyRightFoot · 28/05/2015 20:07

dont settle for nice. i did that, big mistake, wasnt fair on either of us. youre not too old for passion, far from it.

knittingdad · 28/05/2015 20:10
QuiteLikely5 · 28/05/2015 20:11

I disagree. There is a lot more to a relationship than the initial ooomph that always wears off anyway!

If you take it slowly he might grow on you or he might not.

I have had relationships where I had the initial wow and where I didn't.

Handywoman · 28/05/2015 20:16

My chap has been a grower, to say the least - I've totally fallen for him in an 'all round' kinda way. He is awesome. I didn't have an immediate fwoar factor but he is for me - he's been away for a week - it's been awful being apart from him and I am looking forward to, ahem, seeing shagging him at the weekend.

ALaughAMinute · 28/05/2015 20:34

Have you kissed him yet? Sometimes you don't know how much you fancy someone until you kiss them. If you've kissed him and nothing happened then it's probably best to keep him as a friend and move on.

Original poster
Allowmetoretort · 28/05/2015 20:35

Thank you for replies.
Love that song knittingdad Smile

I'm ok with not wanting to hurdle tables to snog him.
I don't mean fancying the arse off him passion.
It's different to that.
I mean the kind where another person connects with how you feel, what makes your heart sing, what scares you etc.

OP posts:
MadeMan · 28/05/2015 20:36

Yes, kiss him!

Original poster
Allowmetoretort · 28/05/2015 20:37

ALaughAMinute
No kiss yet.
I agree it can be my benchmark Smile

OP posts:
Smorgasboard · 28/05/2015 20:41

Keep with it, taking it slow. Either the feelings will develop or you will know it's not meant to be. A lot to be said for a grower. The passion can kick in given time. Worked for me Smile

ALaughAMinute · 28/05/2015 20:51

"No kiss yet"

It'll either go one way or the other IMO. Might be worth a try? Grin

That said, I'd work on the eye contact first to see if any sparks fly!

missqwerty · 28/05/2015 21:26

With my DP I first met him 10 years ago. We had a brief thing and the passion and chemistry was electric. 6 years later we both grew up and crossed paths again, I wasn't feeling it as much this time as he was very upfront and he had matured so no making me chase him, he chased me. I decided to see where it would go and I'm glad I did, the passion soon developed and I fell in love with him.

Few years down the line now it ebbs and flows, like any long term relationship. But we make up for it in other ways, I have times where I think he's bloody amazing and I just know we are perfect for each other.

Give him a chance, you have nothing to lose :)

newnamesamegame · 28/05/2015 23:19

I don't think you necessarily need huge physical passion at the beginning - that can grow on you - but I think there has to be some sort of a connection.

If you feel nothing for him beyond a vague sense that he's a nice bloke I don't think the chances are great.

I agree that kissing him is a good litmus test. I have in the past thought I fancied someone until I kissed them and realised I really didn't. And thought I didn't and then realised I did.

Original poster
Allowmetoretort · 29/05/2015 01:39

newnamesamegame

He is a nice enough bloke. I find him interesting to talk to, that has caught my attention.

We meeting up again next week so I'll see how that goes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Allowmetoretort · 29/05/2015 01:52

newnamesamegame

He is a nice enough bloke. I find him interesting to talk to, that has caught my attention.
Not sure if that's enough.

Seeing him again next week so will see.

Thanks for all your replies Smile

OP posts:
Flowerpower41 · 29/05/2015 05:54

You might find he grows on you slowly. Passion is for everyone though not just for those under 40!

Joysmum · 29/05/2015 06:48

I didn't with my DH, we were good mates for about 5 years before we hooked up and I never thought of him like that.

Luckily he did! It's very good.

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